


The Long Breath

by joely_jo



Category: Star Trek: Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Childhood, Chronic Illness, Episode: s01e07 Nepenthe, F/M, Filling In the Gaps, Loss, Love, Parenthood, Post-Movie: Star Trek Nemesis (2002), USS Titan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23598988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joely_jo/pseuds/joely_jo
Summary: Imagining some of what happened that made Will and Deanna bring their family to Nepenthe.NOW COMPLETE.
Relationships: William Riker/Deanna Troi
Comments: 39
Kudos: 92





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the lovely, positive comments on my last story. I really cannot explain how encouraging it was to read them. This is going to be a longer story, over a few chapters. I hope you will enjoy it and stick with me as I tell the tale.
> 
> This story sits in the two and a bit years before Will and Deanna move to Nepenthe and works on the theory that Thad must have been diagnosed some time before the family made the decision to move. I worked out my timeline from information given on Memory-Alpha and on Michael Chabon's instagram stories. At the beginning, Thad is about eight and Kestra has just turned three.

The Long Breath

By joely_jo

Chapter 1

_This is the long breath_  
_You take in to find peace_  
_Your soul's only medicine_  
_The cure to your body_  
_It's needed to get through_  
_The challenges life presents you_  
_This is the long breath_  
_You take in to find peace_

_Trisha North – The Valley of Skin and Bones_

The words looked so neutral on the screen before him. Orange words against black, line after line, bullet point after bullet point, diagrams and charts and a thousand other ways to catalogue his son’s future, but each one was as agonising and bleak as the doctor’s voice had been that morning when he’d confirmed the diagnosis. Will Riker’s eyes skipped over the bulk of the information to the bottom of the display, where one line broke his heart in pieces again.

_Progressive. No cure. Palliative treatments only. Terminal._

Slamming his fist down on the surface of his desk in futile rage, he shoved his chair back so hard it hit the bulkhead behind with a clang. Disturbed by the impact, the display flickered then failed and blacked out, pitching the room into darkness.

It was just after 0300 hours and he should be in bed, asleep and recharging, ready to begin his usual bridge shift in four hours, but in the aftermath of the news being broken, sleep had evaded him. Deanna had retired to bed early, her brave face still firmly in place after putting the children to sleep. Will had stayed up, poured himself a scotch, and taken up a seat at his desk, PADD in front of him, reading one research paper after another until long past midnight. When eventually he’d dressed for bed and slipped in beside Deanna, he had then spent over an hour staring at the ceiling before he’d climbed hopelessly out of bed, donned his uniform, and resorted to pacing the corridors of the Titan.

Slowly, he walked to the window and stared out into the blackness of space. It was supposed to be their wedding anniversary in three days’ time. He’d persuaded one of Kestra’s daycare nurses to babysit, had created an elaborate holodeck programme, recreating Doluna Lake on Betazed, and arranged for flowers and chocolate to be delivered to her office. He’d known their appointment with the neurologist had been upcoming but somehow that had lent an urgency to his planning. Deanna would say that deep down, he'd known that it would be bad news about Thad and that his efforts were a way of diverting his focus away from those thoughts. Of course, she would be right, but now that the bad news had come, he realised how ridiculous it had been to expect either of them to celebrate anything in its aftermath.

He turned and sat back down in his chair. With little real thought as to what he was actually doing, he activated his interface again and brought up communications. A few moments later, the screen flicked to video link and a sleepy Beverley Crusher blinked at him. “Will, what is it? It’s the middle of the night…”

“It’s mendaxic neurosclerosis,” he said, without introduction.

Beverley drew in a breath, now wide awake, and her brows knitted together. “Shit,” she said, glumly. “Oh, Will, I’m so sorry… It was today, wasn’t it? The appointment with Doctor Langra?”

Will nodded.

“How’s Deanna?”

“Stoic. Blank.” He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet.”

“No…” Beverley murmured. “I don’t expect it has. What did Langra say? Is he going to refer you for some clinical trials?”

“He mentioned that, yes.”

All business, Beverley continued, her words coming out in a rush, desperate with a desire to offer something hopeful. “Because that’s absolutely what you should be looking for. In fact, just the other day I was looking at some research that’s been done on Vulcan. They look like they could well have created a palliative treatment that will allow patients to relieve many of the symptoms.” She stopped when she realised that Will was crying. She shifted in her seat as if she wanted to do nothing more than step out of the computer and embrace him. “God, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. This is cruel beyond words.”

His shoulders shaking, Will hid his face in his hands. “Cruel doesn’t begin to cover it, Beverley,” he said through his fingers. He breathed in deeply, trying with his years of command experience, to gather himself once again. “I can’t believe it’s happening. We just thought he’d picked up some kind of bug from our last starbase.”

She shrugged. “He did. And it may well have come from the starbase. The virus that causes mendaxic flu passes easily enough from person to person. It’s just that not everybody is affected the same.”

“Why Thad, though?” Will asked. It was a question he knew very well had no answer, but still he voiced it, hopelessness carried on his words. 

Beverley sighed. “I don’t know, nobody knows why some people just get over this with nothing more than a fever and a little muscle weakness and other people…”

“Yeah, I know… Other people end up on a slow path to certain death. Or at least, they do now they’ve banned the only successful treatment available.” He shook his head. “If this had happened just three years ago, we probably would’ve been able to lay our hands on a matrix, somewhere, somehow, but it’s just been too long and with the penalties as severe as they are…” His voice drifted off into nothing.

“I’ll keep looking, Will. I promise you. Whatever I can do, I will do it.”

“I know,” Will managed. He rubbed his face again, pulling his fingers through his beard. “I’m sorry I called you at this hour.”

“Have you been to sleep?”

“No, I couldn’t. I tried, but it wasn’t happening.”

Beverley sighed. “You need to get some rest, Will. You’re useless to him, to Deanna, to yourself if you’re not fully rested. Go to sickbay and get a hypo of sedative, get yourself signed off duty for tomorrow. We’ll talk in a few days.” Closing his eyes in resignation, Will nodded. He swallowed, hard. “Night, Captain,” said the former chief medical officer of the Enterprise, and the softness of her voice took him briefly back a dozen years to another moment when she’d urged him away from standing helplessly beside Deanna’s comatose body at some ridiculous hour.

The screen in front of him went blank and the ready room once again fell to darkness. Will sat there for a long moment, then slowly climbed to his feet, rolled some of the tension from his shoulders and headed out onto the bridge.

His second officer, Lieutenant Commander Dan Parry, pulling the night shift, greeted him from the command chair, but Will barely heard him. He grunted an acknowledgement, then boarded the turbolift and instructed it to take him to sickbay. 

***

The next morning, Kestra did that virtually unknown thing for a just turned three-year-old and slept in. For Will and Deanna it was a blessing, exhausted as they were from the emotional marathon of the previous day. The sedative Will had procured from his CMO had done exactly what it should and sent him into a deep and dreamless sleep within moments of him pushing the hypo into his neck, but it made him sluggish as hell when the sound of Thad’s whispering voice penetrated his slumber.

“Dad… Dad…”

Will groaned and rolled onto his back, stretching out his protesting muscles and cracking open his eyes to see his son staring at him. Thad had Deanna’s fathomless black eyes and at that moment, they were wide and fearful. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“I, er…” Thad looked down and a blush coloured his cheeks. “I wet the bed again. I’m sorry, Dad.”

Will closed his eyes. It was the third night in a row that Thad had come to them like this and probably the thirtieth or fortieth incident they’d had to deal with. In fact, it had been the first sign that something was really not right when they’d brought him home from sickbay after his fever had broken. After all, how many eight-year-olds suddenly regress to bed-wetting?

Beside him, Deanna stirred. Wishing not to disturb her, he stood quickly. “It’s okay, it’s all right, we’ll sort it,” he murmured and ushered Thad from the bedroom.

Once in his son’s room, Will stripped the sheets from the bed, piled them up with Thad’s soiled pyjamas and tossed everything in the reclamator. Thad watched from the corner, naked, holding a clean jumpsuit. Will turned and looked at him. “You want to hop in the shower?”

Thad shook his head, but then looked away. Instantly, Will could tell he was about to cry and he swept towards his boy, dropping to his knees and gathering him up in his arms. “Hey, hey, don’t cry, Thaddy. Talk to me…”

But Thad was gone, huge, wracking sobs shaking his little body. Feeling utterly helpless, Will got to his feet and picked him up; since his month long stay in sickbay, he weighed barely anything and he was all gangly arms and legs that seemed far too long for him, like a newborn deer. Will twisted his hips gently in an echo of the rocking motion he’d used when his children were babies struggling to fall asleep and gradually, Thad’s tears slowed and then ceased.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry,” said Will. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just sheets.”

For a moment, it looked like he was about to start crying again, then he pulled back in Will’s arms and wriggled free enough to drop to the floor.

“I was asleep,” he said, by way of explanation. “Then the next minute I knew it’d happened. I tried to stop it, tried to move to get out of bed, but nothing was working.”

And this was it, thought Will, as he stared at his son. This was the way the doctors had known it was something sinister, something much more than just a nasty viral infection. The episodes of temporary paralysis had frightened the life out of them all, but most of all Thad, who had no idea why his body was suddenly failing to do what he was telling it to do.

There was a soft noise from the doorway and both Will and Thad turned to see Deanna standing there. “Mom…” said Thad and ran to her. There was not so much size difference between them as there was between Will and Thad, but Thad still disappeared into her embrace in the same he’d just done with Will. Deanna shared a glance with Will, then looked away and buried her face in Thad’s thatch of dark hair, kissing him softly.

Will watched them a moment, realising how Deanna looked tired even though she’d just woken from what had been an almost twelve-hour stint in bed asleep, then turned away and started to remake the bed. Taking his lead, Deanna guided Thad to their dining area and began to replicate them all some breakfast. It was just another one of their silent, mutual decisions, Will would come to realise in the following days, a determined and resolute attempt by both of them to keep everything as normal as possible while they did their best to ignore all the symptoms of their son’s decline. 

And so it would be for the next nine months.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the positive response to this so far. I'm trying hard to be timely in updating!

Chapter 2

“All right, everyone, that’s everything. If we can come together once again tomorrow morning at 0700 before we depart for Yon Gastora, that would be good.” The senior officers of the USS Titan nodded, stood and began filing out. “A word, Mr. Cordek?” Will Riker called to his first officer as the room emptied. The young half-Romulan commander stopped and turned back to his captain. Sensing this was more than just a quick private conversation, Cordek dropped into his seat once again and leaned forward expectantly.

“Of course, Captain. What is it?”

Will set his hands down flat on the observation lounge table. “As you know, this visit to Yon Gastora is one with real personal importance to me. I’m planning to take a few days of leave when we arrive. I’m confident in leaving the Titan in your capable hands, but I have another, more personal, favour to ask, off the record.”

Cordek smiled. His relationship with his captain had been significant since the first days of his assignment to the Titan, when everyone aboard had been, despite all their assurances to the contrary, wary and uncertain of having a man who was half-Romulan in the role of first officer. Will Riker had taken a chance on him when appointing him three years ago and Cordek had never forgotten that measure of trust his captain had placed in him and the subsequent unquestioning support Will had offered him as he’d worked hard to establish himself and show the crew that while his father might have been a Romulan, he was a Starfleet officer to the bone. “Anything, Will. Ask away.”

“As you know, I’m taking Thad down to the neurology institute on Yon Gastora for some investigations and to get him enrolled on another trial. Deanna is coming with me for the first two days, but she has several important appointments with the Dedrus V survivors that she does not want to miss. So, she will be returning to the ship with Kestra while I stay planetside with Thad.” Will reached out and clapped his hand onto Cordek’s upper arm. “Deanna is very determined that she wants to continue with her role as counsellor and I support that decision. But, my concern is that this will be the first time she will be separated from Thad, and myself, since the diagnosis.” He sighed. “Alex, I’m asking you to keep an eye on her for me, please. Don’t let her be alone too much, even if she says she wants that.”

“You want me to keep her busy?” Cordek asked.

“Well, she’ll be busy enough during the day with her appointments, but if you could check on her in the evenings, maybe make sure she has some company when you are able to spare a minute, I would very much appreciate that.”

“No problem, sir. I hope your trip is a helpful one.”

“So do I, Alex, so do I.”

***

Three days later, Will said goodbye to Deanna and Kestra before they beamed back to the ship. It had been a trying couple of days, with Thad enduring a barrage of new tests and investigations, and Deanna looked careworn and sorrowful as she took his hands and kissed him on the transporter pad. “Try to look after yourself, Imzadi,” he pleaded as he drew her into a tight embrace. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Will. Honestly,” she assured him, stepping back and smiling encouragingly. “A little tired, but nothing a long, hot soak in a bubble bath and a mug of hot chocolate won’t help.” It was a valiant attempt to put on the brave face she’d been wearing for the last nine months, but Will knew her too well to be fooled completely by the show. His wife was struggling. He watched as she disappeared, still smiling at him, in a fizzle of silvery-blue light, then turned to walk back to the hospital.

The Institute of Neurology on Yon Gastora was one of the foremost research centres for an assortment of neurological conditions in the known galaxy and it represented the strongest hope Will and Deanna had had since Thad had been diagnosed. Their contact at the institute, a Gastorian doctor called Mikan Zeh, had been found by one of Beverley’s tireless quests to assist them in any way she could. Will had been in correspondence with him for nearly eight weeks, but it had taken that length of time for the Titan to be within a reasonable distance of Yon Gastora that a diversion for a few days could be explained away to Starfleet and passed acceptable.

In that time, Thad had continued with the medication the Titan’s CMO had given him for his bladder weakness and the incidents of bed-wetting had become less frequent. But while this had been encouraging, a new symptom had emerged, one which was drawing on all of their reserves.

Thad was in pain.

It was started one day at school. He’d been taking part in a class competition, a cross-country run on the holodeck, when his legs had seized up and he’d collapsed face first in the mud. Summoned from the Bridge, Will had rushed to his son to find him screaming in pain like he’d broken a bone. But there was no break. The pain was just another symptom of the neurosclerosis – the nerves of his legs were hardening to the consistency of old rope. Thereafter, the pain became a feature of their days. Thad would wake in the night, screaming, his legs taut and spasming, pain wracking through his body, or he would fall and crumble without warning, ending up curled in a foetal position on the floor, shaking like a sapling in a storm. A muscle relaxant could be administered, but the effect was not instantaneous, and Will and Deanna would be left cradling their boy while the drugs kicked in and the pain eased. It was the singular most horrific thing Will had ever endured.

Mikan Zeh greeted Will as he slipped back into Thad’s private room at the Institute. “He’s still sleeping off the anaesthetic,” explained the lilac-skinned Gastorian. “I’d make yourself a drink and get comfortable for the afternoon. Call me when he wakes and we’ll start the infusion up.”

Will nodded. He went to the replicator and ordered himself one of the strong coffees that had become his life’s blood since the sleepless nights of early parenthood then sank slowly into the low, padded chair beside Thad’s narrow hospital biobed. His son was deep in an induced sleep and judging by the slackness of his face, would not be waking any time soon, so Will took the opportunity to close his own eyes, surrendering momentarily to the exhaustion that clung to his bones. The sun was streaming in through a round window and the warmth was soporific.

All of a sudden, birds were singing. There was a scent in the air that was faintly floral but unlike anything he’d ever smelled before, and beneath his feet was a loamy soil that sank slightly under his weight. He was in a forest. Tall trees surrounded him, and sunlight filtered through their leaves to dapple in kaleidoscopic patterns on the ground before him. Will stood stock still a moment, and the sensation that he was not alone permeated his body. He turned but there was no-one behind him. Nothing but stillness and trees standing sentinel. A gentle breeze riffled through his hair and it was warm and comforting. For the first time in he couldn’t remember how long, he realised that his body was actually relaxed, at ease. The tightness in his shoulders was gone and he felt younger, stronger… more like himself.

The sensation of being not alone intensified and he turned again, this time calling out, “Hello?”

The sound of an arrow thumping into a tree trunk a few feet from him made him jump. An arrow? Was he under attack? For whatever reason, his dreaming brain did not question an arrow as being anything unusual and from behind him whooshed a second arrow, this one landing in the ground just a few steps away from him, buried in the soft soil halfway up the shaft. “Hey!” he heard himself shout. “Come out, will you?”

Laughter, then, boyish and carefree, laughter that… Good God, laughter that he recognised… and a third shot whizzed past his ear and disappeared into the brush.

“Thad?!” he yelled, joy in his voice now.

“Don’t move, Dad, or you’re dead!”

With a start, Will surged awake. He looked around himself, blinking in the confusion of one waking in an unfamiliar place. The echo of a forest was still in his head, as tangible as if he’d been standing, not in a clinical hospital suite, but amid real, living and flourishing nature. He’d not had a dream so vivid in living memory.

On the bed, Thad lay still asleep, his dark hair contrasting sharply with the stark white of the sheets. His eyes were moving vaguely, as if he too was dreaming, and Will found himself wondering where his son was, and if it was anywhere like the place he’d just been…

***

“Welcome back, Counsellor.”

Commander Alex Cordek smiled warmly at Deanna as she materialised on the transporter platform. Kestra, looking a little less like a tiny blonde-haired version of her father with every day, held her hand and grinned back at him. “Hey, Mander,” she said.

“ _Com_ mander,” corrected Deanna, out of habit, and stepped down from the pad, glancing around at the familiar surroundings of the Titan’s third transporter room. “Alex, you didn’t have to come all the way down here to greet me. Surely you’ve got more important things to do?” She eyed him suspiciously. “Did Will send you?”

“He didn’t, but so what if he did?”

Deanna puffed out a touch of frustration, quite aware that the first officer, while not outrightly lying, was being economical with the truth. Until very recently, Will had never treated her any differently to his other bridge officers while they were on duty. It was one of the things they had both agreed on when they’d accepted the positions aboard the Titan together. Will was the captain and it would be inappropriate for their relationship to be on overt display to the crew. But the last few months had been hard on them all and amid the stress and tension and uncertainty, Will’s protective side had made itself known. As a psychologist, Deanna understood the instinct behind it – aware of the fractures in his family unit, Will was doing everything in his power to keep his nest safe. But understanding didn’t stop her feeling conscious of his behaviour or concerned about how the crew would see it.

She started to walk out of the transporter room and Cordek sped up to fall into step beside her. “I’ll have your baggage brought to your quarters ASAP,” he told her as they boarded a turbolift.

They rode in silence for a few moments, Kestra still gripping her mother’s hand tightly, then Deanna turned to Cordek. “You’re nervous, Alex. Out with whatever is bothering you.”

“Nervous?”

“Yes, nervous.” Deanna smiled and tapped the side of her head. “Remember, you might be half Romulan, with all the mental prickliness that engenders to me, but the rest of you is human and an open book to me.”

Cordek looked down and gave a low, wry chuckle. “Okay, okay, I’ll come out with it. The Captain has asked me to look out for you over the next few days while he’s away. Keep you busy and entertained.”

“Entertained?” Deanna raised an eyebrow, imagining the conversation that must have occurred between Will and his first officer. “Oh, my…” She turned to Cordek. “Well, Will means well of course, but I assure you, I’m fine, Mr. Cordek. I have two dozen appointments to keep me busy, plus a three-year-old to solo parent. I can’t imagine that I’m going to have a lot of time to twiddle my fingers, so to speak.”

“Of course, Counsellor, and I mean no disrespect here, but I have my instructions and I’m not in the business of ignoring my commanding officer.”

Deanna’s eyes narrowed. “So this was an order?”

“No, not an order. The Captain would not abuse his position like that.”

“Good.”

“But it was a request from a friend and a man whom I admire immensely.” He grinned, his moss-green eyes sparkling. “So, I’m afraid, Counsellor, you and I are going to have to put up with one another for the next three days.”

Deanna huffed and made a mental note to have a talk with Will when he returned.

It was just after 1900 hours when the door chimed and Deanna opened it to see Alex Cordek standing on the threshold with a bottle of something peachy-coloured in his hands. He was still in his uniform, but had clearly showered, because his dark hair was damp and slicked back. Usually, the slightly longer than standard style he wore it in hid his pointed ears from view and allowed him to appear, at least to the casual glance, fully human. “Alex,” greeted Deanna. “I suppose I’d better welcome you inside. Keep your voice down, though, please. Kestra has just fallen asleep and I would rather she stayed that way.”

“Of course, Counsellor.”

“Please don’t call me that, Alex. If we are to spend the next three days in one another’s company, I’d like to feel like you’re not doing this just because my husband has told you to.” She glanced up at him, her eyes teasing. “After all, you are my friend as well as Will’s.”

Cordek grinned. “Of course… _Deanna_ …” He held up the bottle he was carrying and explained, “Nepenthian peach fizz - my mother’s recipe.” Popping the stopper, he proffered it, encouraging her to smell it. She did and was immediately treated to the most intense and piquant scent of peaches she’d ever smelt. “When we moved from San Francisco to Nepenthe,” Cordek continued, “the house we lived in had a gigantic old peach tree in the back yard and the fruits were truly delicious! My father had never eaten a peach before he met my mother; he called them ‘nectar of the Gods’, so my Mom used them in loads of her cooking.”

Deanna took the bottle and thanked him. The first officer of the Titan rarely mentioned his parents outside of friendly company, but being Cordek’s captain and friend, Will had been privy to much of his life story. Cordek’s mother, Helen, was a Starfleet nurse, his father a Romulan doctor, who had met as young guests at a medical conference and fallen in love. Separated for a dozen years, but in constant secretive contact, Cordek’s father had eventually taken the ultimate chance and defected to the Federation, so he could marry the woman he called his ‘heart’s mate’ and set up a home near San Francisco. It was a wonderful love story, and Deanna had to admit that when she’d heard it, she’d found herself feeling warm and sentimental inside at the romance of it all. 

Gesturing to the dining table, where she’d already laid out cutlery, glasses and placemats, Deanna said, “If Will was here, he’d have cooked, or at least provided the replicator with a recipe, but I’m afraid I’m near enough useless with anything like that.”

“Ah, well, in that I can help.” Cordek brought a small black bound notebook from his uniform pocket and held it aloft. “My Dad’s homeworld favourites – he wrote them down when I left to join the Academy.”

“Oh, wonderful! The last time I had genuine Romulan food was years ago.”

“Ah, yes, I remember… Major Rakal…”

Deanna blushed at the memory of her masquerade as a Tal Shiar operative whilst aboard the Enterprise. “Dad told me about that,” continued Cordek with an amused smile. “He said you must have had serious _broula_ … which roughly translates as ‘balls’.”

“It took a lot of ‘balls’ I can tell you,” Deanna replied, finding herself laughing genuinely for the first time in many weeks. “Why don’t you get the replicator to make us something wonderfully Romulan to eat and I’ll tell you the full story?”


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A journey is never smooth or straight or level. There are easy stretches where everything seems to go right and tougher parts where nothing is simple. Pause a while and enjoy an easy stretch.
> 
> Thank you, once again, to everyone who is encouraging me in this. It is always lovely to hear from you.

Will Riker walked off the Bridge and rode the turbolift to his quarters in something of a daze. It was late, past 2200, and this represented his seventh long shift in a row. Normally, his XO was a genius at organising the duty rosters so that nobody had to work more than three long shifts in a row, but their mission to Nimbus III had robbed everyone of sleep and sustenance, not to mention putting Alex Cordek and his away team in sickbay with radiation poisoning. Will, who had been aboard the Titan, had avoided exposure, but Deanna had not been so lucky. She had been with Cordek and the rest of the team and had ended up spending five days recovering under the care of Doctor Melling and his team. Today had been her first complete day at home and Will had been thinking of her for much of the day as he’d seen to ship’s business for a full twelve hours. But he knew with utmost certainty that even if she hadn’t been horribly sick for nearly a week, she’d still be in bed by now.

On entering their quarters, he saw that he was correct. The bedroom doors were closed, and everything was quiet, though signs of family life were all around. A mug, a single tiny sock, Deanna’s slippers. Some of the children’s toys were still scattered about, one of Thad’s enormous art books still on the coffee table, the pages open to reveal another drawing of another continent on his precious private world. The lights in the living area had been left on low and Will smiled when he saw that Deanna had moved his personal PADD out onto the sofa, knowing how he would likely choose to read a little before he retired to bed. He went to the replicator and ordered himself a meal, then sat and picked up his PADD, opening up the communiques. They’d been waiting for a few days now for a second set of results from Thad’s doctor, Mikan Zeh, concerning their son’s latest battery of tests, which would hopefully give them some indication about whether the twice weekly serum infusions Zeh had prescribed were helping to relieve his symptoms in any way. But once again, there was no message from Yon Gastora.

Will shut down the PADD and concentrated on his meal; it had been eight hours since he’d last found time to grab something to eat and he was hungrier than he’d realised. As he ate, he pondered on the good fortune of the mission the Titan had been assigned this morning. By some stroke of luck, the Titan was going to be visiting Betazed in a few days, honouring the Federation’s involvement in a trade conference, and the visit would coincide with Thad’s ninth birthday. It was clear to Will that such a coincidence was far too perfect to go unheeded. It had been a difficult few months for them all, so a few days of shore leave would be a good thing. Lwaxana would be happy to put them up, he knew, but what he really craved was something well away from the world, somewhere where there could be no interruptions and no responsibilities, even if only for a few days. So with that in mind, he picked up his PADD again and began searching through possible locations and venues.

When he finally felt himself yawning and his body sinking through the relaxation of being off duty for enough time to allow him to sleep, he crept through to the bedroom, stripped off his uniform, donned his pyjamas and crawled beneath the sheets. As she often did, Deanna acknowledged his presence on a sub-conscious level and turned in her sleep to face him; he reached out and pulled her nearer, so he could smell the comforting scent of her. His eyes weary, it was a mere dozen breaths before he fell to sleep.

The following morning, he woke to the sound of Thad and Kestra chatting amiably beside the bed in some mysterious tongue that might have been Viveen or might have been something else entirely. He’d lost track. Deanna stirred as he did and smiled when she saw him beside her. “Good morning, Imzadi.”

Will smiled. It had been over a week since they’d woken up together. Ignoring the children, he pulled her into his embrace and kissed her. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m feeling good. So much better than a few days ago.” She stretched languidly in his arms. “I think I’ll be ready to come back to duty in a day or two.”

“Well, on that, there is no rush,” he replied. “I did something spontaneous last night; I booked us a vacation. Just a few days, a bit of a break away from everything. There’s no pressing business while we’re in orbit around Betazed; DP tells me that he and Alex will have the conference covered, so our involvement would be non-essential, barring a brief appearance at the opening dinner.”

There was no mistaking the look of pleasure that crossed her face then, as she contemplated a few days of escapism on her home planet. “Where are we going?”

“Lake Anabar. I booked a lodge on the western shore, in the Forest of Lonn.” He grinned. “Miles from anywhere. Just you, me and the kids. Thad and Kestra can run wild and we can… mmm…” He threw his leg over her hip and nuzzled into her neck, nipping gently, while his hand roamed over the silk of her nightdress.

“Will…” she warned in a whisper. “The kids are right at the bottom of the bed.”

“I know, I know. Remember when we could do this without having to schedule it?” he said, wistfully, before rolling onto his back, putting his hands behind his head and sighing.

She sat up, smiling at him in sympathy, then leaned forward and kissed him, flooding his mind with the flavour of her love. It lasted a moment longer than it should have done, long enough to make him groan softly as she withdrew and turned away from him. “Morning, you two,” she greeted the children.

Thad and Kestra had spread one of Thad’s gigantic hand drawn maps out on the bedroom floor and were stomping tiny wooden animal figures around the land masses, bubbling away to one another in one of the many languages of Ardani. “Talan, Mom, con libbe mon deres?” said Thad.

Deanna shook her head. “Quedon?”

“Talan, Mom,” he repeated carefully, with the tone of one speaking to someone who was a little bit slow. “Hello Mom.” He smiled Will’s smile at her. “Con libbe mon deres? Are you feeling better?”

“I am, yes. Much better, in fact.” She glanced back at Will. “Your Daddy and I have some news for you. In a few days, we are going on a holiday!”

“Oh, yes!” shouted Thad and leapt to his feet. “Where?”

“Betazed, kiddo,” Will said. “Lake Anabar.”

There were no words to describe the joy that erupted on Thad’s face then. They’d been but once to Anabar before, but it was sufficiently recent for him to remember the bonfire on the lake shore they’d had, the days of swimming in the dark, warm water and the wild freedom the place offered to a child with an untamed imagination.

“Consider it part of your birthday celebrations,” added Will. Thad grinned. “Nine years old, hey, buddy? Almost in double figures.”

“Almost,” he agreed happily. “When do we get there?”

“A couple of days.”

“Just time for Mom to be back to normal!”

Deanna smiled and stood. “Go on, you two, go and get yourselves dressed while I take a shower and Daddy makes some breakfast.” She started towards the bathroom. “And start thinking about what you want to do with the time!”

***

There was something mythical about the forest surrounding the lake. Made mostly of ancient Lorkah trees, their knarled and twisting branches intermingling to form a rich, thick canopy of dark leaves, it seemed to almost breathe with the kind of silence that came with being hundreds of miles away from civilisation. Lake Anabar was about as far north as it was possible to go on Betazed and still be on the mainland, so the weather was cooler and more temperate, more like Alaska in summer, and far removed from the perpetual warmth of the rest of the planet.

Amid the coolness of the forest, life was quiet but thriving. Rustlings and scurryings came from above in the branches and below amid the leaf litter, speaking of animals and insects hidden from view. The air was everlastingly still and thick, as if no breeze had ever penetrated. It was a place where imagination could soar, where it was possible to forget yourself and anything that was happening to you. 

The house stood alone, set back a short distance from the lakeshore, up a slight incline where steps had been carved out of the grass. Timber-framed, with a wide porch that stretched the full length of the frontage, and flanked by gardens that were on the wilder side of tended, it looked out across the lake towards the bluish mountains of Zetlana. Will stood on the porch, half listening to the sounds of two happy children playing in the near distance, half watching birds dipping and rising above the lake. He felt calm.

Behind him, the door clicked and he turned to see Deanna walking out to join him, two mugs in her hands. “Here,” she said and handed him one. “You looked like a cup of something would complete your experience.”

He smiled, reaching around to wrap his arm around her. “We’ve been here nearly a full day and I don’t think I’ve seen them for more than an hour in total.”

“You’re complaining? I thought you wanted some time for the two of us?” She regarded him with an amused look.

“Oh, sure I did, Imzadi. But I guess I’d forgotten just how much they can forget we exist in the right environment.”

“This place suits them. Thad is the most energised I’ve seen him in months. You’d never know…” Her voice trailed off and Will glanced down at her.

“He’s been doing well since he started the infusions.”

It was true. Since their visit to Yon Gastora two months previously, Thad had shown a definite improvement in his symptoms. There were fewer night-time incidents, and the episodes of muscle spasming and intense pain that had become so terrifying for all of them had retreated, becoming little more than the occasional tremor that caused no real interruption to Thad’s daily life. Will was desperate to hear the results of the latest scans Doctor Zeh had run, if only because his brain required some actual empirical proof that things had improved.

“I know he has. His relief is almost palpable for me. When I look into his mind, it’s right there, at the fore.”

Will sighed. “Then we should relax and let him enjoy life again.”

“Yes,” she agreed. “And so should we.” 

She led him to a bench backed up against the wall of the house and they sat. Her body fit against his and he leaned his head down to kiss the cloud of her hair. “Let’s have a bonfire tonight,” she said. “Toast some marshmallows and drink hot chocolate and tell stories.”

“Sounds good to me. Though I’ll leave the marshmallow and chocolate to you guys. It’s gotta be hotdogs for me at a bonfire.”

Deanna smiled indulgently up at him, meeting him for a kiss. “Whatever you want, my love.”

***

They stayed up later that night. Kestra fell asleep in Will’s lap and had to be carried up to bed; Thad fought tiredness until it was full dark, but when his stories of Ardani became more and more rambling, Deanna insisted he head upstairs and go to sleep. At first, Will thought he was going to argue that he was fine, but then he seemed to surrender, and a massive yawn spilled out. “Night, Mom, Dad,” he murmured.

“See you in the morning, kiddo.”

Deanna stood and ushered Thad off and up the steps to the house, leaving Will sitting alone by the firelight, his eyes fixed on the flames. He listened to the crackling of the burning wood for a long moment, the sound mingling with the gentle lapping of the water on the shore. He drew in a deep breath, waiting in anticipation for the fall of footsteps on the shingle that would signal Deanna’s return. It had been an unforgivably long time since they’d spent any time together that wasn’t part of their roles aboard ship or as parents of two small children and Will missed it. Deanna was part of his soul and oftentimes he craved her presence so acutely, it was like he was aching inside. 

And then her voice came from behind him. “So here we are, Imzadi… alone at last.”

“Here we are,” he replied, smiling. He patted the ground next to him. “Come sit with me.”

She did just that, pushing the long bone of her thigh alongside his, their shoulders bumping gently. Struck anew at how tiny she was, he leaned back on his hands so he could feel even closer to her and released a long sigh. “Fire’s dying down.”

“Mmm.”

“Maybe we should go inside.”

She grinned up at him, coquettish, her dark eyes reflecting the flicker of the fire, rendering her face more beautiful than ever. “Who are we kidding, sitting out here, when all we really want to do is go to bed?” she murmured.

Will chuffed a soft laugh. He dipped his head and kissed her, slow at first, his lips plucking at hers. Barely drawing his mouth away, he breathed, “Go to bed to do what, Imzadi?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Will Riker,” she teased. “We could read a book, or watch a holonovel, or check that Alex has done the crew evaluations properly…”

“Or we could just make love…?” His voice was low, tempting, and the ever-present edge of arrogance in him made him waggle his eyebrows suggestively at her. “I could ravish you until you screamed.”

“And wake the kids?” She feigned horror that wasn’t completely put on. Somehow, they had managed to escape being interrupted, although it had come close on one or two occasions, close enough that Deanna now insisted on locked doors and any words said outside their minds to be no louder than a whisper.

“I’ll lock the bedroom door,” he countered, still grinning. “Give you something to bite on…”

She laughed aloud at that and stood, holding out her hand to help him up. “Come on, we’re wasting time.”

They half-chased each other up the steps back to the house, giggling like a pair of loved up fools, then in through the front door and up to the master bedroom. The enormous bed in the centre of the room with its crisp, white linens looked ripe for ruination. Immediately, Will began to grab the throw pillows off the bed, skimming them to the floor while Deanna called for soft lights and secured the door. Once he finally had the bed how he wanted it, he turned and approached her, with his eyes glittering.

“I’m half expecting a comm right now,” he admitted. “Cordek to Captain Riker…” His voice mimicked his first officer’s ever-cheerful tones.

She tilted her head, listening to the silence in the house. “No, no distractions. No interruptions. You’re all mine.”

“I’ve always been yours,” he said. He took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, sliding his tongue into her mouth. Her hand reached up and caressed his neck in an gesture that was theirs long before children and starships and Will couldn’t help but flash back twenty years to the first time they stood together and shared a kiss, on a starry night in a fragrant park in Betazed’s biggest city.

When the kiss ended, he pulled back and studied her face a moment; it was clouded with desire and he felt a roll of something deep in his gut at the beauty of her, like he was dropping a shuttle out of warp. “Do you ever think about how close we came to never having this?” he asked her, his voice soft and thoughtful.

“Sometimes. We were young and stupid.”

He grinned. “And now we’re old and wise… And I am never, ever letting you go. Come here, Imzadi…” With his large hands on her thighs, he lifted her up and hoisted her around his waist with little effort. Age and the stress of running a starship had filled him out a little, but he could still sink an assailant with a single punch and her weight was little more than an afterthought.

The next few moments happened in flashes for them both. He turned and carried her the half dozen steps to the bed, chuckling at her surprise, then threw her down playfully atop the sheets. He stood back and leered a moment, then tugged her hips towards him. His hands slipped under her skirt, bunching it up, then he pulled at her hose, drawing them down her legs and away.

He knelt at the edge of the bed, his face studied, his gaze fixed on her. “What do you want?”

“You,” she murmured. “I want to feel you. In my head. Inside me. Everywhere.” 

Closing his eyes, for it still required the best of his concentration, he cast himself into her head and they stared at one another, revelling in the embrace of their minds. Then a familiar sense of desperation settled over him; he had to be inside her. He shucked his clothes and threw them to the corner of the room, before methodically doing the same with hers. Now, naked, he crawled above her and settled into the v of her thighs. A kiss, then another, deeper and longer, and he slid through her folds and entered her.

They fell still as he sank into her and she looked up at him with a burning behind her eyes, which were onyx in the half-light. “Will,” she whispered. “Oh Will… Gods, I have missed this. I’ve missed us.”

He didn’t reply, but instead began to move in slow, deliberate strokes. Deanna arched her back, pulling him in deeper, and mirrored the sensation in his mind, smiling at him when she was rewarded with a raw, guttural groan.

Together, they set up a steady, pulsing rhythm, matched perfectly in synchronicity. His eyes stayed on her throughout, slightly glazed, but still taking in every flicker of expression, letting her face guide him as he made love to her.

After time, he could tell the pressure was building for her, for the usual flawless control of her own mind began to falter and, suddenly, he could see the colours of her pleasure - warm, glowing violet and orange - begin to coalesce. * _Deanna, come for me_ * he said to her, willing her to let go, to release the last strands of tension and strain that were stretched taut inside her brain. She was wet and leaking on the sheets beneath them but didn’t seem to care. Her legs came up and wrapped around him, coming to rest on the small of his back.

He kissed her again and slowed his rhythm, grinding down onto her clit with each stroke inside her. That rich purplish cloud growing in the space where their minds were joined suddenly began to burn with white light and he reached out to touch it… With a cry, her orgasm imploded in a flash and that was all it took for him to be blown apart in the wake; waves of pleasure arced through him like electric current and he went stiff with the intensity of it. His eyelids fluttering, he collapsed on top of her, and gasped for breath, his cock pulsing as he spilled into her.

“Oh God, oh… uh… oh…” he managed eventually.

She smiled at his lack of coherence, her breathing like the heat of a jungle against his neck.

Finally sated, they slid apart and he gathered her to him, letting her curves flow over him. They were silent for a long while, their breathing evening out, before he murmured, “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I was just thinking that it doesn’t matter how many times we’ve done this; it still makes me soar inside. And it never diminishes.”

“Hmm…” he agreed easily. “You complete me.”

She rose up and looked down at his beloved face, seeing the tender honesty displayed there. “You know, Alex Cordek once told me what his father called his mother. He said she was his ‘heart’s mate’. It was the literal translation of something Romulan that didn’t have a true equivalent in any other language.”

“Isn’t that what Imzadi is?” he asked softly. “A word that doesn’t translate its full meaning?”

“Yes, but I think that it is kind of the same. You’re my heart’s mate, Will Riker.” Her hand came up and caressed his beard and she smiled at him. “My Imzadi.”

He smiled at her in return and reached up to kiss her.

The night passed in long hours from then, sleep coming in fits and bursts between further episodes of lovemaking until, as the dawn began to rise, Deanna sank, spent and tender, into the haze of exhaustion. How they would cope with the children today, she had no idea, but oh had it been what they both had needed!

The sun was shining full and bright in through the huge window at the bottom of the bed when a familiar beep from her PADD across the room woke her. It was still early, so she eased herself out of bed and went to retrieve it. She took a seat in the window and activated the device. The beep had come from an arriving communique. Her heart leapt when she realised that it was from Mikan Zeh.

She took in a slow, centring breath and pressed open. A full screen of text greeted her, which she scan read as quickly as she could, her eyes leaping ahead to the test results displayed at the end of the correspondence. “Will!”

In the bed, Will shot awake with the practised suddenness of a career Starfleet commander and was immediately out of bed and striding toward her. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

She looked up at him, unable to contain the smile on her face. “It’s a message from Doctor Zeh.”

“Is it Thad’s results?” he asked, dropping to one knee beside her and taking the PADD from her open grip. His eyes flew over the text and then - he simply couldn’t help himself - a laugh broke free. “This is… it’s incredible! Deanna, he’s had active remyelination! And in significant amounts to actually have measurable benefits!”

“I know…” Her smile was huge, her eyes filling with joyous tears. “Oh Gods, Will, I never…” She reached for him and he embraced her in one of his happy bear hugs. “I never thought… never hoped this would happen.”

“We thought there’d been an improvement,” Will said. “But I didn’t dare to hope that it was going to be real. We have to tell Thad.”

He stood, tossing the PADD back onto the dressing table, ready to march into their son’s room, but Deanna grabbed his arm and tugged him back. “Will, let’s leave him sleeping. We can tell him over breakfast.”

Deferring to her wishes, Will nodded his head. His expression turned sombre. “You know, he told me the other night that he was frightened that this would be his last birthday. To tell him this news instead…”

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go down and get breakfast ready.”

“I’ll make him cheese omelette. He loves that.”

Will opened up his arms and she fit into his embrace, resting her head against his chest. His heart was beating hard. “Gods, I love you,” she said as she listened.

Will made no reply but opened his mind to her and sighed as she slipped inside, soaking up the joy and hope and relief that was pouring forth from the deepest part of his soul. _*We’ll beat this, Imzadi,*_ he spoke to her amid the cascade. _*We will.*_

_To be continued..._


	4. Four

Time passed. The Titan was occupied with business along the Neutral Zone and throughout the Alpha quadrant, birthdays came and went, and the months rolled by. Thad received his serum infusions every Monday and Thursday and life went on more or less as it had done before anyone had ever breathed the words mandaxic neurosclerosis into Will and Deanna’s lives.

But by tacit agreement, none of them talked about the future.

Doctor Zeh had been very clear in all his communications with them that they were dealing with uncharted territory. The treatment he was giving Thad was entirely experimental, what amounted to a clinical trial, and there was no way to know if the infusions would continue to keep Thad’s symptoms at bay, or if there would come a point where the disease would simply become more aggressive.

As had been their way from the very beginning, they had all been completely honest with Thad. He had taken the uncertainty surprisingly well, though his reaction had been to throw himself into his schoolwork and, most of all, his Ardani. The colourful world he had been building since he was six years old had grown exponentially over the last year, and now numbered some seven continents with hundreds of towns and villages, new races of people and types of animals, flora and fauna. He filled book after book with maps, drawings, sketches and tables of statistics and data, fleshed out the two main languages he’d developed to include thousands of words and phrases and begun to work on new ones, plotted sprawling epics of stories covering generations and spent hours upon upon hours chattering amiably to himself in his bedroom.

Kestra watched him with fascination, being drawn ever deeper into his fantasy with every day. Like the generous, loving soul he was, Thad included her often in his efforts, giving her roles to play in his stories, teaching her the languages he invented and letting her colour in his drawings. When Will or Deanna picked them up from the small schoolroom, it was a rush to fill them in on whatever new developments had occurred with Ardani whilst they’d been on duty to the point where it became futile to ask either of them how their days had been until Thad and Kestra had finished with their updates.

It was on one such evening, after a particularly busy shift, that Thad’s teacher, Mrs O’Neill, a dark-haired and willowy Irishwoman, stopped them and asked to speak to them alone. She took them into her office, leaving Thad and Kestra playing happily in the schoolroom, and politely asked if they had considered giving Thad any counselling.

“Well, thank you for your concern Mrs O’Neill,” said Deanna, somewhat haughtily. “But as senior counsellor aboard this ship, I think I am uniquely placed to decide whether my son needs treatment, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Deanna…” Will began, but she threw him a look that silenced him.

To her credit, Mrs O’Neill neither wilted in the glare nor surrendered her point and instead began again. “Commander… Captain… Your son is gifted both linguistically and creatively and he has repeatedly demonstrated test scores in the top 5% in almost all of his subjects, but both me and Mr Willard are concerned about the level of… focus… he is currently showing to his world project.”

“You mean Ardani?” asked Will.

“Yes, Ardani. Have you looked at the level of detail he is providing for this planet he’s created, Captain?”

“We know he is very passionate about it.”

“He is,” said Mrs O’Neill with a wide, honest smile. “It is incredible that a boy of his age could have created something so very detailed and inventive. I have never seen anything like it in thirty years of teaching.”

“Ardani is Thad’s dream,” Deanna explained, her voice now steadier. “He was born and has grown up here on the Titan, traversing the galaxy, never spending more than a few weeks in one place. While he loves this ship and considers it home, he knows that it is not _his_ world.” She glanced at Will. “Ardani is not Earth, nor is it Betazed or any of the other planets people call their homeworlds. But it is as close as he can get to a world he can call his own.” 

“Oh, I understand that, Commander,” said Mrs O’Neill. “And I absolutely understand the desire behind it too. What I’m concerned about is that Thad is becoming obsessed with this dreamworld. As you know, there are few other children on Titan, but Thad is increasingly ignoring his peers in favour of working on ideas for Ardani. He sits in the schoolroom at lunchtimes and draws or plans, instead of going onto the holodeck with the other children to run and play.” Mrs O’Neill paused and steepled her fingers, appearing to consider how to phrase her next comment. Will and Deanna waited. “I am no psychologist, but I’ve taught children for a long time and I can recognise the signs of stress in a young person’s life. Do you think Thad is coping with his diagnosis?”

Will glanced at Deanna. Her chin was raised, a clear sign that she was considering whether to verbally disembowel the teacher or get up and leave. He jumped in before she could do either. “I think both of us have realised the joy that Thad is getting from his project. We see the happiness it brings him.” He looked again at Deanna and knew that she was acutely aware of the implication behind his words, the timbre of his thoughts. He reached out and took her hand in his. “Mrs O’Neill, I understand what you are trying to say to us, but can I ask you, what would you do, if our positions were reversed? If it was your child who was afflicted with a terminal illness?”

A silence fell over the group. Will could feel the sudden sharpness of Deanna’s emotions, like stepping on glass hidden on a beach; he hoped his candour hadn’t hurt her too much. It had been acknowledged between them, but never actually spoken out loud why they were ignoring Thad’s obsession with Ardani. Mrs O’Neill looked as if she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her, but she persisted.

“Captain, Commander, please understand, it is just concern for Thad that I am expressing. I know his situation is… a unique kind of tragedy… but I…”

Deanna cut her off. “Is it really so terrible if a boy who has an undetermined time left in this world disappears to wherever makes him happy, Mrs O’Neill?”

“No, of course not,” said the teacher. “It would just be nice to see him interacting with his friends again and playing at lunchtime.”

Will sighed. “I’ll speak to him tonight. You’re right, he should be spending time on the holodeck with his friends. I think sometimes he just gets carried away and forgets to live in the real world too.” He glanced at Deanna. She was ramrod straight in her chair, her eyes fixed on some point just behind Mrs O’Neill’s head. “But we’re all guilty of that from time to time,” he finished with a smile. “Thank you for looking out for Thad, Mrs O’Neill. Let me know if there’s anything else that’s concerning you.”

He stood and gestured to Deanna. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Slowly, Deanna stood and he ushered her out of the office and back into the school room, where Thad and Kestra were sitting at one of the group tables, casually discussing something in what he believed was Viveen. “Wild girl, Thaddeus of Darshanok, let’s get off home now,” called Will. Both children looked up at them and Thad immediately began gathering up his books.

“What’s for dinner, Dad?” he asked as he leaped up to stand before Will.

“Your Mom’s sorting it tonight. So something salady.”

“Yuck,” said Kestra and pulled a face.

***

The Ungontian Nebula glittered on the viewscreen in front of them. A marbled coalescence of amber, scarlet and rust, shot through with glowing blue veins, it cradled a cluster of young stars that had yet to be charted by the Federation. Titan hung at a safe distance from the emission cloud, its sensors on overdrive. It had been a quiet shift on the Bridge and Will had done little apart from sit in his chair, check in on the ecstatic Stellar Cartography and Science departments, and watch the wondrous scene on the viewer. It had been curiously relaxing.

Deanna had visited him for lunch in his ready room, as was often their practice when the Titan was on one of her calmer mapping missions, but had returned to her office for the afternoon for a list of counselling appointments. While the hum of activity from the science stations behind him had continued, Will had allowed his thoughts to drift towards his son. Thad had been in good health for many months, the serum infusions appearing to reduce and keep at bay the symptoms he’d been suffering previously, but something was starting to prickle at Will that hadn’t been there until recently. The conversation with Mrs O’Neill had catalysed the thoughts, but they had been there before, poking him gently in the ribs when he’d taken a moment to address them.

Was everything as it seemed? Thad _had_ been unusually obsessed with his Ardani these last few months, spending every waking moment engaged in some form of world creation. At first, Will had enjoyed seeing his son so singularly motivated and clearly getting great joy from his life once again, but the more he thought, and watched, the more he wondered if the obsession was hiding something. And Deanna concerned him too. She was a psychologist, and here it was him having these thoughts. Surely she’d also thought of them? But she’d said nothing. Which in itself was unlike her. Normally, if there was something to observe about someone’s mental health, Deanna would have spotted it, analysed it and addressed the issue often before it had even entered Will’s head. 

“Captain,” came DP’s voice from the ops position. “Stellar Cartography are requesting a change of position.”

“Coordinate with them, Commander. Make sure they get whatever they need.”

A moment passed, then the stars shifted as Titan began to move to a different position around the nebula. Will watched for a moment longer, then stood, pulling at his uniform top. “Mr Parry, you have the Bridge,” he said, and headed for the ready room.

Once inside, Will went to his desk and activated his computer interface, pulling up all the latest communications with Mikan Zeh. With the sense of uncertainty he was currently feeling, he wondered if reviewing the doctor’s recent reports would stir anything more concrete in his head. There was a massive waiting file of other reports from various science departments that needed to be read, but right now, Will knew that his concentration would not be on such things. He would have to get to them later, once the children were in bed.

But, no sooner had he begun to read, than the chime on his door rang. Closing the interface, he called, “Come in.”

The doors opened to reveal his first officer, Commander Alex Cordek. As he was off duty, Cordek was in civilian clothes, a pair of loose-fitting dark green pants, a high-necked paler green top and a pair of soft-soled Romulan shoes, similar in style to the sabah shoes worn by some Earth peoples. His dark hair was wilder than he usually wore it for duty and he carried himself in a less formal manner. There was a thick hard-backed book tucked under his arm. “Captain,” he greeted.

Choosing a more relaxed form of address in the light of Cordek’s clearly off duty status, Will teased, “Alex, have a seat. The appeal of the Bridge too much for you even on your day off?”

Cordek smiled and sat down in the high-backed chair opposite Will. “I always have to make an effort _not_ to get drawn into work when I’m off duty.”

“You should make the most of it. You’ve got a double shift coming up tomorrow.”

“I know. Who put that on the duty roster, eh?”

Will grinned. “You should know, Commander. They’re your rosters.” He stood and gestured to the replicator. “Can I get you anything?” 

“No, no, my visit is only fleeting, I promise, and then I intend to take my book to the holodeck and relax.”

“Go on, then.”

“I have a request to put in. One of a personal nature, if I may?” Cordek glanced at the floor, betraying an uncharacteristic flush of nerves. “As you know, we are scheduled to dock at Deep Space 12 in three days for a coolant refuel and some repairs to the warp coils. The work should hopefully take less than a week.”

Years of being in command told Will that this roundabout way of coming to the point was clearly because Cordek was uncertain about how his request would be taken by his captain. Narrowing one of his eyes, Will poked Cordek into further elaboration. “Yes, all this I know. What’s your request, Commander?” 

“Well,” began Cordek, “It just so happens that my parents will be there following a short holiday and will be in need of transport back to Nepenthe.” He drew in a breath. “I thought perhaps you would consider a quick warp across the Zinda Expanse to test the engines before we got underway again.”

Will leaned back in his chair, feeling mischievous at the sight of his normally unflappable first officer attempting to appear as if he wasn’t requesting a big favour of his CO. “So, let me get this straight… You want the Titan to give your Mom and Dad a taxi ride back home, Mr Cordek?”

Clearly not picking up on Will’s playful tone, Cordek swallowed hard. “Um, well, that’s one way of putting it, sir, yes.”

Will got up from his seat and went to the tall window that looked out onto space, figuring he’d let Cordek fidget a moment longer. The nebula bloomed in the darkness still. “Of course, I’d be delighted to finally meet your parents.” He turned back to his XO and grinned. “Relax, Alex. I doubt a visit from your parents could even come close to Deanna’s mother requesting a ride from us. Are they in good health?

“They are. My father still suffers some problems with his condition, but he is much improved.”

“Ah, yes, I remember, your father has a muscular disorder.”

“The _Balsh’ta_ ,” confirmed Cordek. “Its symptoms are like the ancient human condition known as Parkinson’s Disease, but unlike Parkinson’s, it is sadly incurable. My father has suffered with it for a great many years, since he retired from medicine, but he manages the symptoms very well for the most part.”

Will nodded. “Will he need any special attention while he’s here. I could ask Doctor Melling to make himself available?”

“No, no, my mom handles all of his treatments. But thank you, Captain.”

“No problem, Alex. Let me know when they are ready to beam up. I’d like to meet them in the transporter room.”

Cordek smiled. “I will, sir.”

A moment later and Will was alone again. He ordered a raktajino from the replicator and returned to his desk, punching up the interface once again. He began reading but was a mere dozen lines into a correspondence when his comm badge chirped again. 

“Schoolroom to Captain Riker.”

 _School room?_ Will froze. There was only one reason why he would be contacted by the teachers whilst he was on duty. He tapped his comm badge. “Riker here.”

“Captain, I’m sorry to disturb you while you are on the Bridge, but there’s been an incident.”

“An incident?” Will struggled to keep the fear out of his voice, his blood running instantly cold.

“Yes, sir. I’m afraid your son is missing.”

“Missing? What the hell?”

If Will had been even half as perceptive as he usually was about people, he would have picked up the tension and anxiety in Mrs O’Neill’s voice, but as Deanna often said, his own feelings were getting in the way.

“We were participating in a nature trail programme on the holodeck. Thad wandered away from the group during lunch and we haven’t been able to locate him since.”

“He’s no longer on the holodeck?”

“It appears not, Captain. And he has removed his location tracker.”

“What?!

“I’m sorry, sir. He’s not in sickbay and hasn’t returned to the schoolroom. Hence why I contacted you. I hoped you could deploy some security staff to assist us in a more thorough search of the ship.”

Will was out of his chair and onto the Bridge before she finished her sentence. “Teams will be with you shortly, Mrs O’Neill. Stand by. Riker out.” He gestured to Lana S’Eftia, his Caitian security chief, who was standing at the tactical station. “Lieutenant, I need you to send security staff to the schoolroom now. My son is missing, somewhere on the ship, and has disabled or removed his location tracker.”

S’Eftia looked at him, her yellow eyes reading the anxiety Will was trying desperately to tamp down on. “On it right away,” she said. “Do you have any ideas about where he might go, sir? Any favourite places?”

“The Arboretum, maybe?” He headed for the turbolift. “I honestly don’t know, Lana. He knows every inch of this ship from bow to stern. He could be anywhere. And…” Will paused. “He may be unwell.” 

S’Eftia nodded and joined him in the lift. The doors sliced shut and Will called out, “Deck 5.” He glanced at his security chief. “I’ll start in our quarters.”

“We’ll find him, Captain,” said S’Eftia as the turbolift got underway.

***

Wesley Crusher was at the end of his tether. He was crawling on his hands and knees into the Jefferies tube alongside the warp coils, toolkit in hand, about to replace the power manifolds for the main conduit to the starboard nacelle. It was the thirteenth time they’d been replaced this week. Each time, they’d got three or four hours of flawless performance before the faults began to develop and within twelve hours, he was back looking at burnt out manifolds. The problem was clearly much bigger than just faulty manifolds, but there was no way he could run the proper repairs while the ship was still in space. And it was going to be another week before they could make it to DS12 for something other than the spit and polish ones he was currently having to resort to.

He sighed and tried to remember why he’d not sent one of the junior engineers to do this task again. Simply put, he’d fallen victim to the age-old human belief that if someone else couldn’t do it properly, then maybe he could. He’d sent virtually every qualified engineer under his command to complete the task over the last week, but this time he’d thought that perhaps if he did it himself, it might make the difference.

“Arrogant bastard,” he told himself aloud as he crawled.

On reaching the manifold box, he scooted his legs around so that he was sitting cross-legged on the floor. The task would take him a little over an hour, and when he was done, he was going for something to drink in the mess hall. Using the thought of a long draft of ale as encouragement, he got down to business.

Some long moments later, he heard something that drew his attention from his work. It sounded, distantly, like… like a child crying.

He put down his tools and sat perfectly still, listening intently. The sound fell away into silence and he shook his head. Clearly it had been far too long since he’d had a proper break.

He was back to his job when the sound came again. “Computer,” he said. “Is there someone in the Jefferies tube with me?”

“Negative.”

“Hm.” If there was nobody in the tube with him, then where the hell was the crying coming from? Leaning back against the wall of the tub, Crusher stretched his back, listening carefully, and mentally mapped out the ship from where he was sitting. The Jefferies tube he was in bisected with another some fifty metres behind him. Primarily, that tube led back to Engineering, but it also allowed access to the computer stations in Science Lab 4. “Hello?” Crusher shouted down the tube. The crying stopped and that piqued his interest further. Slinging his toolkit bag on his back, he headed off back to the intersection and then listened again.

Nothing.

He glanced each way down the bisecting tube. As there seemed to be nothing within sight on the way back to Engineering, he headed off towards the lab. The tube widened out at the computer terminal, allowing for him to get to his feet and stand but was essentially a dead end. He stopped still and listened again. The sound of slightly laboured breathing was coming from the space beneath the massive computer terminal. He bent at the waist and peered underneath; a pair of small feet were sticking out from the space beneath the computer terminal and a thin body was curled and wedged into a space it had absolutely no right being in. “Hey,” he said. “What you doing back there, kid?”

He dropped down onto his knees so he could get a closer look. “Thad? Is that you?” he asked when he saw the boy’s face. The captain’s son was red-faced and tearful. “What’s wrong? You’re crying. Are you hurt?”

“Leave me alone!” said Thad angrily.

“Woah, woah, wait a minute. You shouldn’t be back here. You should be in school.”

“I know!” He glared at Crusher; his black eyes were so often soft and understanding like his mother’s, but now they blazed with fury.

“Well, I can’t leave you here. People will be wondering where you are.”

“I don’t care.”

Taken aback by the tone in the boy’s voice, Crusher narrowed his eyes and studied Thad carefully. “Ah, I’m pretty sure you do care. Otherwise you wouldn’t be upset like this.”

Thad’s lip quivered and he fought valiantly to subdue it. In his years aboard Titan, Crusher had not had much to do with the Troi-Riker children, other than to meet them occasionally when he went to speak to Will or Deanna in their quarters, but there was no doubting where that strength of resolve came from. Thad might have his father’s long limbs, but there was no denying he was Deanna’s boy.

“Come on, Thad, let’s get you out of here. You can’t stay here all night – I promise you, these tubes get pretty uncomfortable after a while, not to mention kinda cold.” He held out his hand. “And I bet you’d rather be at home with your Mom and Dad, really.”

Thad looked away, but Crusher could tell his power to resist was dwindling. The tears were brimming in his eyes again and as he looked down, they raced down his cheeks and landed on the metallic floor. “I can’t come out,” he muttered in a barely intelligible voice. “My legs don’t work.”

“Your legs…?” Crusher glanced at the position Thad was in and frowned. “What do you mean?”

Thad’s face darkened as if a thundercloud had passed over him. “I mean, my stupid legs are not working!” he yelled. “I can’t get them to move! I came down here to get away from all the noise so I could think and now my legs aren’t doing what I want them to do.”

Oh. Crusher kicked himself for not realising that there was more to this than a simple case of trying to run away. “Okay… all right,” he said in as comforting a tone as he could. “Hang on there, let’s get you beamed out of here and up to sickbay.”

“No! I don’t want to go to sickbay!”

“Then where?” Crusher said in exasperation. Were children really this difficult to manage? Or was he just hopelessly clueless?

Suddenly, Thad scrunched up his eyes and a fresh stream of tears spilled over; he wiped at them with a furious little fist. “Home. I want to go home.”

“Okay, kiddo.” Reaching up, Crusher tapped his comm badge. “Crusher to Chief Fiorelli. Lock onto my signal and beam me and Thaddeus Troi-Riker to the Captain’s cabin.”

“Thaddeus?” came Fiorelli’s voice through the comm. “The whole ship’s looking for him! I’ll tell Captain Riker now. Stand by, Commander. Locking on to you both now.”

And then came the familiar tingling sensation as the transporter kicked in and they dematerialised from the Jefferies tube. 

***

Will Riker stood at the foot of his son’s bed and stared at him. “Okay, buddy, you’re going to tell me what’s been going on with you. And you’re going to tell me why you ran away from school today and how you ended up in a Jefferies tube right the way the other end of the ship and why I needed to assign security personnel to look for you. Because if you think I’m going to ignore all of that just because of what happened with your legs, you’re mistaken.”

There was a tone of command in his voice, he knew, but he didn’t know how else to deal with the situation. Deanna was sitting next to Thad and she cast him a warning look. He knew she didn’t approve of the tactic he was trying. He also knew he would surely hear about it later when they were alone. Thad had refused to meet his father’s eyes from the moment Doctor Melling had left their cabin, but Will was determined. The time for ignorance had passed. Whatever was going on with Thaddeus had to be addressed. 

“I’m waiting…” prompted Will.

Thad fidgeted under his father’s intense gaze. “I’m sorry, Dad. I ran away. I shouldn’t have done it, but I had to get away.”

“Get away from what?” Deanna asked. “Have you fallen out with your friends?”

“No, not really.”

“Then why?”

“I can’t concentrate when they’re around. They make too much noise.” He looked up at Will, then at Deanna and there was something pleading in his dark eyes, almost like he was willing them both to understand. “I can’t concentrate on my own thoughts.”

Deanna glanced at Will and suddenly, he heard her in his own head, almost a question, but not quite. _*He’s empathic…*_

His eye narrowed, considering. Neither of them had thought that there was much chance of their children inheriting any Betazoid telepathic ability; there was too much human blood in them both for it to be likely.

Turning to look Thad in the eye, Deanna said, “Thaddy, do you hear things in your head that aren’t being said out loud?”

For a moment, Thad seemed to be processing his thoughts, finding language to describe what seemed to defy description. Then, with a shake of his head, he clarified, “No, not thoughts. It’s different. Like I know what they’re like inside.”

“When your friends are playing, can you feel that they are happy?”

“Yeah, and when they’re angry, or sad. It’s really loud, Mom.” He looked at them both with what was undeniably a pained expression. “It’s gotten really loud recently. And sometimes it’s not very nice what I feel. It makes me feel bad inside. Like I want to shout and yell and hit things.”

Will had felt his own anger dissipating as Thad had tried to communicate to them both. He knew enough to know that Betazoids developed their mental capabilities as they entered puberty, usually between the ages of twelve and fifteen, once their brains had matured enough. But he also remembered Tam Elbrun, the Betazoid they’d worked alongside in the Tin Man mission back on the Enterprise-D. Tam had been a rarely precocious talent among his race, whose telepathic abilities had been present from birth, and as a result he had suffered much as he’d struggled to keep out the unwarranted barrage of other people’s thoughts. Eventually, he had bonded with the space-going creature known as Tin Man and had not been seen or heard of since.

Will felt a rush of panic inside him as he recalled Tam. Thad was just five months past his ninth birthday, way too soon for any kind of psionic ability to be forming in him. Deanna was thinking hard – he could tell by the lack of focus in her eyes. “Is that why you’ve been doing all this work on Ardani?” she asked Thad.

“Ardani…” Thad’s voice was wistful, reverent even. “No, no.” He paused, then smiled softly. “Well, maybe a bit. It’s fun and it’s like having somewhere I can go to that’s all mine. I can make things how I want them to be. When I’m thinking about Ardani, I’m not thinking about anything else. I just feel what I want to feel.”

“It’s safe…” Deanna murmured.

“Yeah, I guess.” Closing his eyes, Thad let out a long breath. Deanna fixed Will with a desperate glance and folded Thad into her arms, whereupon he relaxed for the first time since he’d been found. Will watched them, wondering what other curveballs they were destined to be thrown. When they’d embarked on this adventure into parenthood, he’d never imagined it would be so challenging. “Are we going to have to go see Doctor Zeh again about my legs?” murmured Thad from deep within his mother’s embrace.

The issue of Thad’s symptom relapse had almost slipped Will’s mind in the light of this new revelation about their son. “I think that would be a good idea, don’t you?” he said. “He might want to change your medication dose or try something different.”

“Yeah…”

Unspoken in the air between them all was an even more concerning unanswered question. If the medication had stopped working, what were they going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have read this far. This is turning out to be a longer exploration than I had originally intended, but I'm running with it for the moment, as I have an arc I have planned out and it has just grown with the telling. I hope I'll still have readers by the time I finish! 
> 
> Oh, and please do share any feedback you might have with me. I'm always keen to know what people think.
> 
> And a note on Wesley’s reappearance. I have watched the deleted scenes from Nemesis and am of the opinion that many of them should never have been cut. It would have been far better to get rid of some of the overcooked action scenes. Wes’s scenes were some of those I felt particularly strongly about. So, in the universe I created for this story, Wes is back in Starfleet and goes to serve on the Titan with its double-refracting warp core as he explained in those deleted scenes.


	5. Five

Chapter 5

“So, it’s as you feared?”

Deanna was sitting bolt upright, her hands gripping her knees, facing the projection of Doctor Mikan Zeh that stood before them in Will’s ready room. The doctor presented quite an incongruous image for a leading neurologist. His crimson hair stood up like he’d recently received a shock and he wore a sweeping floor-length tunic made from multi-coloured patches of a kind of animal hide. Compared to the largely starship standard décor in the ready room, he stood out like a sore thumb.

His voice was gentle, slightly nasal; he was aware of the heart-breaking news he was delivering. “The serum has become largely ineffective. Thaddeus’s condition progresses.”

Deanna’s head drooped and Will knew she was trying to hold herself in, refusing to allow herself to cry in front of an audience. He was standing behind her, having risen from his chair part way through the latest round of figures from the Gastorian medic who’d been treating their son for the last year, and he reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. Tension was rippling through her; he could practically feel it arc from her body into his and he willed himself to stay calm, if only so she could latch onto that and anchor herself.

“What are our next options?” he asked when he was sure his voice was steady enough to speak.

Mikan Zeh’s lilac-pale face seemed paler then and his eyes faltered. “Well, we can increase the dose, to see if that will return him to active remyelination… But beyond that, I’m afraid I do not know that there is anything further that can be done without a positronic matrix.”

“I see…”

“Increasing the dosage of serum is conceivably our only option,” said Zeh quickly.

“Then we’ll do it.”

“You must understand though, Captain, that there are likely be some side effects to such a strategy. When we increased the dosage in the laboratory tests, we found that cognitive function began to be impaired. Subjects became anxious and dissociated with reduced memory recall. They displayed signs of psychosis after just a few weeks of treatment at an increased level.” 

Deanna looked up at the use of psychological terms she was inherently familiar with. “Was this observed in all test subjects, Doctor?”

“It was observed in more than 70% of subjects, Commander. Hence why I hesitate. Your son is young to be suffering with this condition and with his emerging empathic abilities, I am reluctant to expose his brain to further stress in this manner.” Zeh paused and seemed to be contemplating what to say next. After a beat, he continued, “I suggest you take a few days to think about things, to evaluate the potentials risks and gains. I will raise Thad’s dose if that is what you wish, but I would like for you to be entirely sure it is the right course of action for yourselves.”

Nodding vaguely, Will agreed. “We’ll talk about it. Thanks for your time, Doctor.” He squeezed Deanna’s shoulder. “Titan out.”

As the connection closed, he felt Deanna sag under his touch like she’d been deflated. “Imzadi…” he said and spun her chair to face him, even as he saw her shoulders shake with the strain of tears. Pulling her to her feet, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, wishing with all his heart that he could ease her.

“Oh Gods, Will,” she sobbed into his chest. “Gods help me!”

It was a hopeless plea, one of a mother truly feeling the wrenching reality of the looming death of her child for the first time. Will squeezed his eyes tight shut and breathed through the ache he could feel cleaving at him. He had to stay strong for her right now. Later, he could fall apart, when she didn’t need him so keenly. Deanna’s grip on him tightened desperately, as if her legs had given out and his embrace was the only thing keeping her from sinking to her knees. He kissed the top of her head, smoothed his hands through her hair and shushed her tenderly.

For a long time, they stood there, just holding one another. Eventually, Deanna’s tears slowed and then ceased. She stayed still, holding onto him, until he ventured to speak. “Deanna, let’s get out of here. Go home. I think we just need to be together tonight… before we start talking about any of this…”

She nodded into his chest, then pulled away slightly. Her face was reddened down one side where she’d been pressed into his uniform and her eyes glittered with still unshed tears. He smoothed her hair and dragged his thumbs across her cheeks, drying them. “Come on, let’s go hug our babies.”

That night, they operated largely on automatic pilot systems. They fed the children, bathed them and put them to bed, then wandered vaguely through the regular routine of an evening off duty. Will read reports from various departments while she checked up on patients, then as yawns began to filter in, they retired to bed.

“I wish Data was still here,” she murmured softly as he curled himself around her tiny frame. The height difference between them had always meant she seemed smallest to him when they were resting like this, when he was able to tuck his legs up and she filled his arms.

“Hm, so do I. In more ways than just because he’d gladly give himself to save Thad.” He kissed the back of her head. “But then I remember a certain young Betazoid telling me that wishing for a thing didn’t make it so and only fools believed it would.”

He felt her smile rather than saw it. “Does that make us both fools?”

When he didn’t answer, she twisted in his arms and turned to face him. “You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could change things, Deanna. Is that foolish? I don’t know that it is. I think maybe it’s just something very human.”

She sighed and shifted so she could look him in the eyes. He brought his hand up and laid it gently along the rise of her cheekbone. “I’ve been avoiding this,” she murmured, and he watched the tears grow in her eyes. “This conversation… Everything. And it angers me that I know that’s what I’ve been doing. Because I should know better. I’m supposed to be the one that helps other people.”

“Cut yourself some slack,” he said softly. “Nobody’s perfect.”

“And that sounds very human too.”

Will chuffed a laugh. “It’s what I’m good at.”

“I love you.” Her voice was suddenly breaking with emotion. He studied her face, taking in the lines he knew so well.

“I thought Betazoids didn’t say that? That it was all a melding of spiritual energies and souls instead. The essence of Imzadi.” The word sounded more scientific in this context than the usual way it uttered from his mouth. 

“Maybe it’s my human side talking then,” she said, even as he felt the soft brush of her mind against his, the caress of her love like fingertips against his soul. She sighed. “Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without you, Will Riker.” 

“I know.”

She smiled at his mild, familiar smugness.

“Whatever happens… We’re in this together. We’ve got each other,” he said and leaned in and kissed her. “And we’ll get through it. I promise.”

She was quiet for a long time after that, her eyes closed, and he began to think that she’d fallen asleep, then she opened her eyes and looked at him intensely. “Make love to me, Will.” 

He smiled. “That I can do.”

The world and all their fears fell away then, as he rolled atop her and began a slow, inexorable path down her body, until he was hovering over her belly. He kissed the gentle swell there that had never really quite subsided in the wake of Kestra’s birth, then trailed his way between her legs, pushing them apart so he could take a deep breath of the scent that grew there, the smell that was so identifiably _her_. “Keep still, Imzadi,” he murmured against her thigh. His breath and his lips began to tease her, his exploration just this side of indecent. He had known her body for decades, through all the phases of her life and it showed then as his mouth touched her clit and he licked a long, steady taste of her, his tongue pressing in just the right places. Deanna arched under his grip and cried out quietly, turning herself over to the pleasure of the moment.

His mind flashed back to an evening on Betazed years into their past, when he’d only half-jokingly told her that going down on her cleared his head. He smiled against her skin at the thought. As she often did, she picked up on the flash of memory and then they laughed together. “Gods, you were an arrogant pig, Will,” she chastised as he looked up and grinned at her, utterly shameless.

“I wasn’t wrong, though, was I?” His smile was infectious. “You can feel that, surely?”

In answer, she closed her eyes and sighed, then opened her legs to give him better access.

Later, when he had drawn from her a shattering climax, she crawled above him and sank down on his hardness, drawing him up within her to where he felt best. Hands on his chest, she began to rock in slow, humid waves, speechless for there was no need for words when you could feel your lover inside your head as he was inside your body. Will was glad that she was calm now, absorbed in the sensations of their lovemaking, swimming away from their fear and distress with every shift of her hips, and he treasured her immersion in the moment.

She opened her eyes and looked down at him and he wondered what she saw. “You’re still handsome,” she told him, smiling, reading his mind.

“Even with my hair going grey and a bald patch and too many wrinkles?”

She didn’t reply, but a surge of feeling bled into his head. Desire and wonder and deep, deep love and he knew it was how she felt for him. With an indulgent smile, his hands dug into her hips, steadying her movement, realigning her so he could match her rhythm with his own. She pressed against him and sought a second release. They had never had to work for this, it had always come so naturally, had been one of the things most addictive about their partnership from the very first time all those years ago. And even in this time of turmoil, it grounded them both. As the world fell away and they disappeared into each other, Deanna gasped and bent to kiss him, her mouth warm and wet.

Moments later, Will felt her bearing down around him and knew she was nearing the edge. He reached up and pushed his knuckle against her clit, forcing his eyes open so he could watch her and revel in her beauty. It was all she needed. With a cry, her head fell back, and he felt her coming, her body bucking and losing its rhythm.

Quickly, he rolled her over and doubled down, pushing into her relentlessly until, a dozen breaths later, he came himself, deep and hard, his hands clutched onto her hips as if he could push his whole body inside hers. 

He collapsed then, his face pressed into the pillow above her shoulder, his heart hammering against her chest. He struggled for breath a moment, then lifted his head and looked down at her. She tried to slip out from underneath him, to go to the bathroom and clean up, but he burrowed back into her, his mouth pressing soft, damp kisses along her jaw and neck. “Stay,” he breathed, and she assented with a tiny nod.

As the minutes passed, they slipped slowly apart and he drew her into his body, back into the position they’d begun in.

“We will get through this,” he said into the warmth of her neck.

“I know. I just wish we didn’t have to.”

And there was no answer to that. They sighed, together, and in time, they slept.

***

Three days later, the Titan limped into space dock at Deep Space 12 for what had now become urgent repairs. Will was glad of it; at one point during the previous day, he’d been concerned about whether he’d still have a chief engineer by the time they made it. Wesley Crusher had marched into his ready room and vented his frustration in the way you only could if you’d known your captain since you were fourteen. Will had done his best to calm the storm and sent Wes off for an enforced twelve-hour break, before immediately giving orders to the helm to up their speed.

The repairs were scheduled to start the next day and would take about a week. Will left most of the serious engine stuff to Wes and his team but made himself available for whenever they needed him; for the rest of the crew, he granted staggered shore leave. Deanna took off to the station for a haircut and some time to herself and Will found himself standing in the transporter room with his first officer, awaiting the arrival of Alex’s parents.

“Doctor Cordek and his wife are ready to beam up, Captain, Commander,” said Chief Fiorelli.

Will glanced at Alex and smiled. “Ready?” Alex nodded. “All right, then. Energise Mr. Fiorelli.”

Both men looked towards the transporter pads, where the familiar pale blue light streams appeared, sparkled, and then disappeared, revealing two late middle-aged figures, a male and a female. The woman was slim, petite and auburn-haired, with a face full of freckles and a warm, wide-mouthed smile. Beside her was a taller Romulan man who, while not quite Will’s height, was nonetheless an imposing figure. He had steady green eyes and a thatch of dark hair cut into a style that was just dissimilar enough from the typical cut born by members of his race to mark him as different. Will smiled. There was no mistaking where his first officer got his cheekbones and jawline – he and his father were remarkably alike.

“Greetings, Doctor and Mrs Cordek,” said Will and extended his hand. "Welcome to the Titan."

“Captain Riker,” said the woman and stepped down from the pad to grasp his hand warmly. “We have heard so much about you!”

Will gave Alex a sidelong, amused glance, his eyebrows quirked. “All good, I hope?”

“Every word. I’m Helen, and this is my husband, N’arith.” She gestured to her husband and he stepped forward, holding out his hand. Will took it and was surprised by the firm, human-like grip. He’d shaken hands with enough Romulans in his time to know that when they bothered with the standard Terran greeting, they tended towards a light-fingered handshake, delivered with little pressure. He’d always assumed that it was because they disliked any contact that they perceived to take away their readiness for battle. It seemed N’arith Cordek was different in more ways than simply his allegiances.

“Good morning, Captain,” said N’arith. His voice was low-timbred and carried little in the way of accent. Unsurprising, really, given that he’d lived among humans for thirty years. “I am pleased to meet you finally. My son has been most effusive in his praise for you.”

Will grinned at Alex. “The truth is out,” he teased. Alex looked down at his feet for a moment, grinned to himself, then back up at his captain.

“What can I say? I’m your biggest fan, sir.” He stepped forward and embraced both his parents, spending a moment longer in his mother’s arms than his father’s, then stood back. “It’s great to see you both. I’ll take you to your quarters now.”

“My wife is keen to meet you too,” said Will. “How about dinner this evening, 1900 hours, in our own quarters? We have small children, so I’m afraid we will have to work around their bedtime, but they are well-used to guests.”

“That would be wonderful, Captain,” replied Helen. “And I would love to meet your children too, seeing as neither of our own children have yet provided me with grandchildren…” She cast a gentle teasing look at Alex who rolled his eyes tolerantly and gestured towards the doors of the transporter room.

“One of these days, Mom, I’m sure my brother will oblige you. He has, after all, at least found himself a wife.”

Will chuckled at the exchange, thinking briefly of all the times Lwaxana had driven Deanna to distraction with her frequent and laboured references to settling down and having children, and bid the Cordek family goodbye, leaving Alex to deal with his parents and get them settled in. He had plenty of tasks awaiting his attention but decided that it was high time he dealt with the one playing on his mind the most. Bidding the chief goodbye, he set off for the schoolroom.

When he arrived, the fourteen children of varying ages who formed Titan’s small complement of youngsters were working on a group project, creating a vast butterfly out of all manner of disparate items. Kestra was deeply involved in the group, slotting in seamlessly despite her young age, already bossing some of her older peers around in a confident manner. Thad was, somewhat encouragingly, working quietly with a boy of about his own age whom Will recognised as Laurie, the youngest son of Lieutenant Vickers from Xenobiology, to construct what appeared to be a lower pair of wings out of shredded tissue paper.

Will avoided making his presence known and instead caught the eye of Mrs O’Neill as she slipped away from her charges to fetch something from the schoolroom store. “Hello, Captain,” she greeted with a smile. “Can I help you?”

“I wanted a word with you, Mrs O’Neill,” said Will.

“Of course. The children will be stopping for their lunch in about ten minutes. Are you all right to wait until then?”

“No problem. I’m not in any hurry. Can I sit and watch them?” She agreed and he took a seat on the other side of the one-way viewing window and watched as the children continued their construction. Thad and Laurie kept a distance away from the main group but were entirely focused on their task. Little in the way of communication passed between them, however they did occasionally share brief snippets of conversation. Thad was intense and serious, a direct contrast to Kestra’s wide-mouthed, frequent grins at many of her fellows. Looking at his two children, Will found himself reminded of he and Deanna when they had first met. They had contrasted in many ways back then – she the serious, dedicated student, he the cheerful, enthusiastic, pleasure-seeking young officer. He knew they had changed since, and grown together, but he wondered if deep down, they’d found one another so attractive because of the inherent differences in their characters. 

He was contemplating that when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Mrs O’Neill standing behind him. “Captain,” she said softly. “You looked to be lost in thought. The children are heading to the holodeck now with Mr Willard, to eat their lunch and have their break. Shall we talk in my office?”

Will nodded and stood, following the teacher into her small, plainly decorated office next to the main schoolroom. She took a seat behind the desk and smiled at him. “What can I do for you, Captain?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Thaddeus,” he began. “There’s something Deanna and I would like to share with you that is very important. What happened the other day has brought it to our attention.” Mrs O’Neill leaned forward, sensing that this was no casual enquiry about how Thad was getting on and instead carried some weight behind it. Will continued, “It appears that despite the genetic odds, Thad has some latent empathic ability. He hadn’t been properly aware of this and hadn’t understood what exactly it was, but when we were talking with him about what had happened to make him run away from school, it became clear that he has been sensing the feelings of his peers, and finding it all very difficult to understand and cope with.”

“Oh, the poor child!” exclaimed Mrs O’Neill. “I had no idea.”

“You’re not alone, Mrs O’Neill. We also had no idea. We’d thought it was unlikely that either of our children would inherit any of Deanna’s empathic abilities, but it is pretty clear that that’s what we’re dealing with. However, bearing in mind Thad’s medical condition, this complicates things.” He paused and a scene from last night blinked before his mind’s eye – Deanna and Thad, sitting cross-legged on the floor of his room, their eyes closed, while she tried to teach him the rudiments of mental shielding. “Deanna is trying to help him as best she can, teaching him how to develop shields that will protect his mind when he’s with other people. So far, it is having… limited success.” He sighed, running his hand over his face and through his beard. “But… it’s early days. Deanna tells me that it can take years for an empath to fully develop the ability to control their abilities. And there lies our problem. Thad doesn’t have _years_ left. Our last conversation with his doctor on Yon Gastora suggested that the condition has accelerated past his ability to control the symptoms.”

Mrs O’Neill’s face drew into a troubled frown and she looked away from him a moment. “I’m so sorry, Captain. I know how hopeful you and Commander Troi were that this would prove to be successful.”

Will nodded, his voice momentarily lost as he worked hard to tamp down his visceral emotional response to the thought of the terminal nature of Thad’s condition.

“What can we do to help?” said Mrs O’Neill. 

“I don’t know that’s there’s anything you can do… I just wanted you to know… And if he ever behaved oddly again, that hopefully you’d understand,” he said. He knew he sounded almost desperate; it was hard not to when you were talking about your own child.

Standing up, Mrs O’Neill moved around her desk so she was standing right beside him. “Captain, we will do everything we can to help Thad, I promise you that.”

Will cleared his throat, closed his eyes and breathed. It wouldn’t do to burst into tears in front of Thad’s teacher. “Thank you. We… we are considering increasing his dose of the serum prescribed by Doctor Zeh, but there would potentially be some… serious side effects. But it’s all we have left to pursue.”

“Are you wanting to keep him in school?”

“I think that’s the right thing,” said Will. “We would like for him to have as normal a life as possible for as long as possible. Are you happy to still have him here?”

“Of course, Captain, I’m sure we can accommodate whatever Thad needs.”

Will’s comm badge chirped. “Crusher to Captain Riker, we are taking the warp engines offline now. The ship will be on auxiliary power for the next six hours while the main repairs take place.”

“Acknowledged, Mr Crusher.”

He stood and tugged on his uniform. “Thank you, Mrs O’Neill, but I had better be getting back to the Bridge.”

***

_“Sometimes since I've been in the garden I've looked up through the trees at the sky and I have had a strange feeling of being happy as if something was pushing and drawing in my chest and making me breathe fast. Magic is always pushing and drawing and making things out of nothing. Everything is made out of magic, leaves and trees, flowers and birds, badgers and foxes and squirrels and people. So it must be all around us. In this garden - in all the places.”_

Will sat on the couch, Thad on one side of him, Kestra on the other and a book in his hand. Reading to his children was a bedtime tradition he’d tried to keep from when they were tiny, as far as duty had allowed. As they’d grown older, the books had progressed from picture books to more expansive stories that required a chapter or section a night, but the routine remained the same.

Tonight, though, just as he finished his sentence, the door chime rang. “I’m going to get it!” shouted Kestra gleefully and leaped off the couch. They had been told that guests were coming this evening, including Commander Cordek, and as usual, Kestra could barely contain herself. She bounded to the door and slapped the entry button. The doors slid aside revealing three people standing just beyond. “Hey, Commander,” she greeted as she looked up at him, but then caught sight of the two new faces who accompanied him.

“Hello, Kestra,” said Alex. “Can we come in?”

An awkward moment ensued where she didn’t step aside to allow them entrance, but instead stared wide-eyed at the other two people standing just behind the Titan’s first officer. “Who’s that?” she asked, eventually, a sceptical frown on her face.

Will climbed off the couch and came towards the door, smiling apologetically. “Come on, wild girl, let our guests inside, please.” He grasped her by the shoulders and steered her aside. “Come in, come in,” he said to Alex and his parents. “These ones will be off to bed soon, so don’t mind them.”

“Hello there, young lady,” said Helen Cordek, slipping past her husband and dropping to a crouch in front of Kestra. “What’s your name?”

Kestra narrowed her left eye. “Kestra Troi-Riker. What’s yours?”

“I’m Helen. I think you know my son… Commander Cordek…” She gestured back to Alex.

“Yeah, I know him. He’s my Dad’s first man.” She leaned in and whispered in a conspiratorial but sadly far too loud way, “He’s got pointy ears under his hair, you know.”

“Indeed,” said Helen, grinning up at her husband. “You should see his father’s.” 

In the background, Alex chuckled. He sidestepped his mother, who was already being taken by the hand by Kestra and led in the direction of her room. Thad hovered behind, but eventually, curiosity got the better of him and he disappeared too. “Where’s Deanna?” Alex said.

“I’m here,” came her voice and she stepped out of the adjoining room. She had changed out of uniform into a flowing purple dress and had her newly cut hair swept up in a loose top knot. She walked towards Cordek and his father, a broad, welcoming smile on her face. “Hello Alex… And very pleased to meet you, Doctor Cordek. I’m Deanna Troi, Will’s wife and the ship’s counsellor and diplomatic officer. How are you?”

N’arith Cordek smiled in return. “Ah, the legend that is Deanna Troi, or should I say, Major Rakal…?” His eyebrows quirked in that peculiarly Romulan manner. “I have to say, Commander, when I heard of what you did on the Khazara, I was astounded. Such courage.”

Will looked at Deanna and saw she was blushing at the compliment. A little rush of pride filled him. “Oh, it was survival, I can assure you, Doctor. I’m not sure I did anything except act on my instincts for five days.”

“Then you have excellent instincts, _e-lev_.” He cocked his head, listening to the sounds of excited chatter coming from Kestra’s room. “It sounds like my wife has kidnapped your children, Captain. I hope you do not mind? She has something of a tendency to do it. I am not sure she ever was fully happy about giving up her nursing to come with me to Nepenthe.” A small, sad smile crossed his face and Will realised that there was more to this than Alex had told him.

“I don’t know I’d be too sure that it’s your wife who has done the kidnapping,” said Will, changing the subject to something easier. “Let me fix you both a drink and then we’ll get the kids in bed and we can eat.” 

Some time later, when Thad and Kestra had been persuaded to surrender Helen and Will had chased them to bed, they all gathered around the table in the dining area and Will served up the meal. He’d chosen Alaskan salmon with linguine, tomatoes and broccoli and it appeared to be going down well. “I enjoy Terran food for the most part,” said N’arith as he paused in his eating. “Though I never quite understood the appeal of hamburgers.”

“You’re not alone there,” laughed Deanna. “Betazoid food is much lighter than most Terran food. When we eat meat, we eat it in small quantities. Many of our dishes are made purely with vegetables and fruits. It’s taken Will a little adjustment because he’s essentially a bit of a carnivore.”

Helen smiled. “N’arith is a very good chef, though. He used to cook all the time when our boys were younger. Less so, now, as we struggle sometimes to get the provisions on Nepenthe so we have to rely more on replicated food. I keep meaning to start a vegetable patch, but as I’ve never had much success with house plants, it doesn’t bode well for carrots either, I’m afraid.”

“But you have a peach tree,” said Deanna.

A smile passed between Helen and Alex. “Oh, you did gift them some of my fizz, like I asked!”

“Of course, Mom. Just the one bottle though. The rest I kept for myself.”

His comment earned him a good-natured slap on the forearm. “When we get to Nepenthe, you’ll have to beam down with us,” she said to Will and Deanna. “I’ve not long ago finished making a batch, so you would be most welcome to steal a few bottles for your wonderful children.”

Grinning, Will replied, “That sounds perfect. Just so long as I can have some too!”

The group laughed and then fell to a quiet that lasted a few moments. Will finished his meal and sat back in his seat, passing the napkin over his mouth.

“How long have you lived on Nepenthe then?” he asked. “Because I know Alex grew up in San Francisco.”

N’arith looked up as he thought, setting down his knife and fork in a very human manner. “It will be twelve years next year. We moved there because I had developed the Balsh’ta.” He looked around the group before elaborating. “It’s a rare disease that afflicts some Romulans in mid-life. It’s a neurological condition that affects the muscles governing movement, resulting in tremor, stiffness and a lack of balance. Despite much research being conducted on Romulus, a reliable cure has yet to be found. Gradually, the Balsh’ta robs the sufferer of their dignity until eventually it proves fatal. That path can take upwards of twenty years, with symptoms worsening over that time period.”

Deanna tilted her head on one side and regarded N’arith carefully. He was clearly in good health and showed no signs of any of the symptoms he’d just described. “Pardon me, Doctor, but you seem to be quite well…” she began.

“I know. My symptoms have become much improved in the last ten years. If you had seen me before, you would have seen a different man. The Balsh’ta forced me to renounce my medical licence.”

“Then you’ve found a cure?”

“Not exactly.” N’arith paused and exchanged a look with Helen, as if seeking her approval. “It is Nepenthe.”

“Nepenthe?” asked Will, leaning forward in interest.

“Yes, it is not well-known as the information has been kept largely secret by the native population, but Nepenthe’s soil possesses regenerative properties.”

Deanna and Will shared a glance. Instantly, Will knew exactly where her thoughts were going.

N’arith continued, “I know what you must be thinking… But there can be no doubt that there is something about living on Nepenthe that has deeply agreed with my body. I am a scientist, a doctor by profession; I cannot explain it in logical language, but it is a truth. Since we moved to Nepenthe, I have experienced a near total reduction in my symptoms, so that now, nearly nineteen years after I was first diagnosed, I am bothered only mildly by my condition and can control the symptoms I still have with ease. Such a thing is not heard of.”

An expectant pause filled the room during which Will swore he could hear Deanna’s heart beating. N’arith finished eating and took a sip of his wine. “I realise I’ve been exceptionally lucky, Captain. Twelve years ago, I was wondering if I would live to see my son graduate from Starfleet Academy and here I am dining with him on a starship where he is first officer. If I was a religious man, I would consider it a miracle.” 

The evening drew on and in time, after further talk, laughter and general good humour, their guests departed, and Will and Deanna were left to tidy up and get ready for bed. They did all this essentially in silence, neither one of them wanting to yet discuss what was on both of their minds.

They climbed into bed and laid there on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. A moment passed.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” said Will quietly.

Deanna turned her head and regarded him. In the soft light, her eyes were dark but sparking with something he’d not seen for nearly two years. 

“Yes,” she whispered.

He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story Will is reading to Thad and Kestra is 'The Secret Garden' by Frances Hodgson Burnett. If you've read the book before or seen one of the several film adaptations of it, you will probably see why I picked it! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is still sticking with me in this and for the lovely, encouraging feedback that's being left. We are approaching the final few chapters now, though I'm still not quite sure how many there will be in the end. Keep checking back!


	6. Six

Chapter 6

On Nepenthe, the sky was bluer than an Alaskan lake and the air was warm and scented with something richly floral and flourishing. There were mountains in the distance, hazy with mist, their unusual curled tops iced with snow, and their lower slopes lush with green. Infinity Lake called itself a city, but even the most generous of urban planners would struggle to find evidence enough to designate it as such. About 5,000 people had made their homes in what was the main settlement on Nepenthe’s northernmost continent, mostly on the western side of the large body of water that shared its name with the city, and around the spaceport that allowed transport off world. The Federation had discovered the planet around fifty years ago and as a result, it was like all settlements on recently colonised worlds, fairly uniform and regular in its design, with rows of white and pale grey buildings, glinting glass and pockets of well-tended parkland.

Will Riker walked down one of the wide boulevards that criss-crossed the central residential area, Deanna at his side. It was early in the afternoon, with a breeze stirring in the leaves of the cherry trees that lined either side of the road, and the sound of birdsong all around. Dressed in uniform as they were, they stood out amongst the few people they walked past. “They probably think we’re here on business,” said Will as an elderly man cast them a curious glance as he passed.

“There are some retired Starfleet men and women here,” Deanna replied, noticing the older man’s look as well. “I think it’s just because we are new faces. Did you see how they all seemed to know the Cordeks?”

When they had all beamed down to the planet just a few hours ago, there had been nothing but cheerful and smiling greetings for N’arith and Helen Cordek from just about everyone they’d seen on the short walk to the Cordeks’ two-storey suburban house. “It reminds me of back home… of Alaska.”

“Warmer, though, thank Gods,” said Deanna with exaggerated relief.

“Yeah, but the atmosphere is the same... like there’s a sense of community.” It had been years since they’d been back in his hometown, since Kestra was just a tiny baby and they’d gone back to show her off to some of his old friends. He glanced at Deanna and noticed the thoughtful expression on her face.

“We know more people on Betazed than we do on Earth.”

“I know we do. It’s just that for me Betazed always feels different. I guess because I’m a visitor there and because of the whole Fifth House thing.”

Deanna cast him an amused look. They walked in silence for a few minutes, each taking in the scenery around them, the houses set back from the road, the wide, green lawns and the riot of carefully cultivated flowers.

As they came to the limits of the city, the road became less formal, beginning to wind, and the vegetation around them became less tamed and developed. There were still houses here, but they were half-hidden by trees and seemed to bear a more rustic feel to them, as if the people who lived in them were less bothered by modern conveniences and preferred to be nearer to nature than civilisation.

“I like it here,” Will said after a while.

Unspoken was the thought that they’d both been unable to get from their minds from when N’arith Cordek had told them of his remarkable recovery since moving to Nepenthe. Would Thad show a similar improvement if they moved here?

The idea and its various connotations and consequences had been brewing in Will’s mind for days now, growing in intensity the closer Titan got to the planet. And now they were here, it was just about all he could think of. He knew Deanna was aware of the tenor of his thoughts, as she always was, but she had allowed him to chew the concept over undisturbed.

They reached a bend in the road where an open gate led to a dirt path that veered off into fragrant evergreen woodland. Will took her hand and led her along it, finally coming to pause amid the dappled shade. “Could you live here?” He turned to her, studying her face carefully. “Give everything up?”

She sighed and looked around them. “I’d do anything for him,” she said softly.

Will nodded. “I know you would, but it’s easy to say that, maybe less so easy to really do. If we came here, we’d have to resign our commissions. Give up the Titan and the friends we have there… Nepenthe is days from Betazed at high warp, so we wouldn’t be able to see your mother much. And we’d be here, on our own, with nobody we know and no careers to keep us busy.” He realised he was sounding quite negative and hurriedly added in a more light-hearted tone, “It’d be like retiring. Only we’re not old enough to retire.”

“There are other roles within Starfleet we could do…”

“But would you want to do them? I’m not sure I would. I’ve done nothing but the command track for nearly thirty years, Deanna. I’ve been captain of my own ship for a dozen of those. I don’t know that I could sit at a desk and look at paperwork and not go mad with it.”

A frown crossed her face and she breathed out, long and thoughtful. Her eyes drifted into the distance where the trees crowded together more densely. “I would miss it,” she confessed. “But I don’t know that I could go on knowing that there was one more thing we could’ve done and didn’t.” 

He hummed in agreement. “And then there’s the children to consider,” he said. “It’s a decision that would affect them too. It’d change their lives completely, whether it helps Thad or not. Would they want that?”

“Thad would,” said Deanna with certainty. She looked up at the canopy of leaves above their heads where something small and yellowish jumped squirrel-like through the branches. “Don’t you see, Will? This would be Ardani for him. He’d turn it into everything he’s dreamed up in the last few years. All this wilderness…” She sighed a happy sigh. “He’d be so content.”

Will found he couldn’t answer her then as a lump like iron had formed in his throat and the ache that seemed to live almost permanently in his heart gave a merciless squeeze. Were they thinking about bringing their boy here to get better? Or were they bringing him here to be happy before he died?

Suddenly, tears were brimming in his eyes. He fought back against them for a moment, but it was futile and as he blinked, they spilled over. “I’m sorry.” There was no need to put into words what he was sorry for, because he knew she understood. “I can’t… I’m just finding it hard to accept what this represents just yet.”

“I know.”

“I thought I had got my head around it all, but it seems like every time I think of it at the moment, I can hardly hold myself together. I can’t believe we’re having to even think about this kind of decision.”

“Talking about death is never easy,” she said, sounding like his counsellor and not his wife.

Will huffed at the understatement in her words, closing his eyes. He ran his hands over his face to wipe away the wetness and then interlinked them behind his head, breathing in and out slowly and deeply. “If we come here, and it doesn’t work, will you be able to accept that?” he asked.

“I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to accept it, Will. It’s so horribly unfair. But I stand by what I said. At least if we come here, we’ll know that we did everything we could.”

***

In the end, the decision was made suddenly and without any great difficulty. It was strange, Will thought, as he sat beside his son’s bed, watching him sleep off a particularly debilitating episode of muscle spasm, how when it all boiled down to it, it was a choice they’d already made. Not when N’arith Cordek had told them his story, nor when they’d set foot on Nepenthe themselves, nor even when Thad was diagnosed. It had come much, much earlier, on a hot and humid night by the Janaran Falls on Betazed, thirteen months after Shinzon of Remus had driven a wedge of pain and suffering between them, when Deanna had taken his hands and asked him, with a smile on her face that he would never forget, if he wanted to make a baby with her. That night had set in motion a journey that had resulted in Thad being born a year later and Will’s life had changed forever.

Now, he thought back to the moment when he’d watched Thad slide wetly into the hands of the Titan’s CMO Alistair Melling, scrunch up his eyes and bawl like he needed to be heard in the next star system. Will had watched stars explode and galactic wars unfold, but nothing could have prepared him for the power the tiny little bundle of wrinkled skin that was his son had over him. When Thad looked up at him with his black, black eyes, Will had been snared. And that was the moment every choice he would ever be faced with about his son had been made. Because when it came down to Thad, nothing was ever more important.

***

“Will, I’m so sorry to hear this news. Are you sure this is your only option?”

The holographic projection of Jean-Luc Picard stood before Will’s desk, a little fuzzy around the edges because of the distance separating the Titan and Earth. Picard looked older and wearier than the last time Will had seen him in person, just before Thad had fallen ill. They’d kept in touch via subspace, but it was difficult when you were separated by light years and had completely different lives. Picard had gone back to his family home in La Barre, retreating into himself after the disappointment of Starfleet’s response to his gambit about the Romulan rescue fleet, and Will’s duties as a starship captain and a father had kept him so busy that it always required a clear effort to make time in his schedule for social calls.

“It is. Deanna and I have thought long and hard about this, but it’s the right thing to do. I wish we didn’t have to make the choice, but we can’t leave a single stone unturned. You understand, don’t you?”

“Of course,” said Picard. “Your stepping down, and Deanna’s, will be a grave loss to Starfleet, but you must do what is right for your family.”

Will nodded.

“How are you keeping, Jean-Luc?”

“I am well. I…” He smiled somewhat ruefully. “I have a lot of time on my hands. And as Deanna knows all too well, I am not very good at sitting and doing nothing. It has been a big adjustment. One you will have to make as well.”

Will leaned back in his chair and sighed. “I think that’ll be the biggest adjustment of all. But Nepenthe is beautiful, and the pace of life there is gentle… and I think it will bring Thad a lot of joy.”

“Then you will be fine and it is absolutely the right thing to do.” Picard paused. “I hope your venture is a successful one.”

“Thanks, my friend, for not trying to talk me out of this.”

“Will, I would only do that if I thought you were doing something foolhardy or ill-considered, and this is neither of those things.”

Will breathed out, Picard’s approval a relief for him. Even though he’d been out from under his former captain’s wing for a long time now, there was something about this whole situation that made Will want to be told he was doing the right thing by someone he admired and trusted. “I guess I better write my communique to Starfleet then.” He paused, glancing around his ready room. “I shall miss this ship and her crew. They’ve been good to me.”

“As the Enterprise and you all were for me,” said Picard and there could be no doubting the nostalgia in his tone. “But times change and lives move on.”

“They do.” 

A moment passed. “You know, there is something you could do, Will, if you are not wanting to cut the cord from Starfleet entirely. You could go to active reserve.”

Looking up, Will’s brows drew together and he shifted his position, growing thoughtful. He hadn’t even considered that as an option, but Picard’s suggestion ignited a spark of realisation in his head. Starfleet active reserve would mean he’d keep his skills sharp, would require some commitment to maintaining his qualifications and awareness, but wouldn’t take him away from Deanna and the children for long voyages or stints into deep space. He couldn’t imagine Deanna would object to the concept. “You know, you may be onto something there, Jean-Luc…”

“It would certainly give you the option to return to duty if you decided to at a later date.”

 _When Thad dies…_ Will’s darker consciousness supplied the thought and though he immediately beat it down, its sourness lingered. He knew Picard hadn’t meant the comment in that way; it was so difficult to talk about any kind of future without talking about what everyone knew was inevitable, but nonetheless hoped would never happen.

Will drew in a deep breath. “I’ll think about it,” he concluded and inclined his head toward the door. “I should check in with my Bridge crew. I’ve been holed up in here for an hour.”

“Of course. Duty calls,” Picard said with a thin smile. “How I miss it! Keep in touch, Will. It’s been too long this time.” 

Nodding, Will straightened in his chair and returned the smile. “Goodbye, Jean-Luc. Keep safe and well. Titan out.”

The hologram of Picard blinked out and Will was left alone in his ready room, contemplating the writing of the most significant communique of his life.

***

The day Will hit send on the communique to Starfleet Command, they were in orbit around Sallis III assisting with a continental evacuation required because of a massive volcanic eruption. Deanna was down on the planet with Cordek, S’Eftia, Doctor Melling and a contingent of security officers, coordinating the evacuation efforts, when the call from the school room came through. This time it wasn’t Thad, but Kestra, who had fallen and broken her arm while chasing a friend. As Will made his way down to Sickbay, he pondered how his daughter had managed to earn two trips to Sickbay in as many weeks, the first being a twisted ankle from jumping off her bed and now this. He couldn’t remember being this accident-prone when he was that age and Thad was cautious by nature, much more inclined to sit back and allow others to take the risks. 

By the time he got to Sickbay, Kestra was already having her bone knitted back together by Doctor Sera Onara, who had no doubt pulled herself away from dealing with the steady stream of injured coming up from the planet’s surface because this was the Captain’s daughter. Kestra seemed totally unperturbed by her injury and greeted him with a wide smile as he walked up to her. “Hey Daddy, look what I did!”

“You broke your arm,” said Will, glancing briefly at what Sera was doing. He’d broken a few bones himself in his time and he knew the tingling sensation the bone knitter caused as it worked. “Does it hurt?”

“Not now. Doctor Sera gave me a hypothingy and that made it better.”

“Good on Doctor Sera.” Will sighed, smiling quickly at the Bajoran doctor. “Well, wild girl, no more school for you today, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to come and camp with Daddy up in his ready room for a while because Mommy’s down on the planet and I’ve got work to do on the Bridge still. Is that okay?”

Kestra looked like he’d suggested they move her birthday forward three months. “I get to come to work with you?”

“You’ll have to stay in my ready room, but yes.”

“Wow,” said Kestra with her mouth open. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

When her treatment was finished, Will took Kestra up to the Bridge and into his ready room, sitting her at the chair behind the desk and replicating her a hot chocolate and some toast. “You stick in here, yeah, while I go back to work?” He glanced around the room for something to keep her entertained, wishing he’d stopped off at their quarters to pick up a few toys, before finally laying eyes on the PADD with some of the house plans he’d brought with him this morning, hoping for a few moments of free time to glance at. “Why don’t you have a look at our new house on Nepenthe? You could design your own room if you like, or think of some things we should have that your Mom and I haven’t thought about.”

Kestra grinned at him, wonder and excitement in her blue eyes. “And you promise I can have them?”

“We’ll do our best. But no slide out of your bedroom window or swimming pools in the backyard, okay?”

Nearly three hours later, when the last of the away team was back on the ship and the evacuation under the control of the planetary forces, Will went back into his ready room to find Kestra asleep, curled up in his chair, a large sheet of replicated paper on the desk in front of her. He smiled sentimentally at the scene, then creeped around to look at what she’d been doing. In the gloriously abstract scrawl of a five year old, a house was drawn out on the paper, complete with floorplans for two levels and an external view. Trust Kestra to attend to the proper architectural standards, he thought with amusement.

The house she had drawn was very similar to the one they’d stayed in at Lake Anabar last year, wooden-framed with a wide porch, and surrounded by trees. She’d included bedrooms for her and Thad, complete with bunk beds, and another bedroom for Deanna and him, a big kitchen, a living room, an office for him, a store for ‘outdoor toys’ and a dog kennel. There was a bathroom with a bathtub virtually as big as the room and an outside shower for hot days. In the garden she’d drawn a tree swing and a bench and a spot for campfires. Short of a swimming pool and a slide from the bedroom window, it was a child’s perfect home. Will found himself smiling widely as he studied it.

He rolled up the paper and slipped it under his arm, then reached down and picked her up. She stirred in his arms and sleepily hummed at him. “It’s okay, sweetie, we’re going home now. Sorry for leaving you in here all this time.”

“S’okay,” she murmured back and laid her head on his shoulder. Her weight was nothing to him and he headed out of the doors. In the centre of the Bridge, Lieutenant Commander Parry looked at him and smiled.

“All tuckered out, hey?” he said.

“The both of us. It’s been a long day. See you tomorrow, Dan.”

“Night, Captain.”

***

It took a few months to get everything in order. Starfleet promoted Alex Cordek in Will’s place and the decision made Will glad to his bones. His first officer had proven himself to be the finest of commanders and Will told him so as they began the process of handing over the Titan. “You promise you’ll be there at the end of a subspace message if I need you?” said Alex, with uncharacteristic self-doubt in his voice, as they shared a drink in the mess hall. 

“Sure I will,” replied Will. “But you won’t need me half as much as you think you will. You’ve been in command lots of times before, Alex. It’ll be tough going at first, and there’ll be moments where you wish you could step down and turn back the clock to when you had a bit less responsibility, but you’ll be flying before you know it.” Cordek looked down at his glass of Andorian ale and drew his finger through the condensation on the side. “This is a good crew, the best of crews,” continued Will, sensing his friend needed a little more bolstering. “And you’ve earned their respect and loyalty a hundred times over. You know them. Let that knowledge be the thing that guides you.”

Will paused, thinking back to the time when he’d told Captain Picard about how he’d accepted the offer of the Titan. He’d felt more than ready to take the reins, but even with that confidence, he’d still been nervous of the change. Seventeen years as first officer was a long time but it hadn’t done anything to ease the sensation of losing your safety net. Alex had only been on the Titan for about five years, selected by Will after his first XO had been killed in action during an away mission, but he was the natural choice as Will’s successor. He was dynamic, quick-thinking, even-tempered and a consummate professional; he would make an excellent ship’s captain, but he would still be a young and relatively inexperienced one. And just like the whispers that had followed him about his Romulan heritage, there were whispers abound that Cordek was not ready for the big chair just yet. Alex would have a lot to prove in his new role, but Will for one was confident that it was well within his capabilities, despite the uncertainty he knew his first officer felt. 

“You’ve got a few weeks yet before I’m gone. Take that time to prepare and ask questions and decide what sort of a captain you want to be. I have every faith in you.”

“Thanks, sir,” said Cordek. He drained his glass, a little more chipper than he’d been when they’d first sat down. “Another one?”

“Sure.”

Will waited while Cordek went to the bar and ordered again, considering the changes that were about to take place. This ship had been his home for twelve years, Starfleet his chosen career for thirty-four years, and yet, somewhat surprisingly, he found himself at peace with the shift in the ground. Their house on Nepenthe was complete, waiting for them, and the news of and reason for their retirements now public knowledge. Will had filled in all the necessary paperwork and would sign on to active reserve at the end of the month; his first training conference was scheduled for six weeks’ time on Vulcan. The children were practically vibrating with excitement for the impending move and Will had to admit that there was a part of him that was eager to live in an actual house once again and just… slow down. To take each day as it came and spend those days with his family. To have time to appreciate what he’d got. 

Cordek returned with another round of drinks and sat down opposite him. “Penny for your thoughts, Captain?” he asked. “I was watching you while I waited for our drinks and you seemed on another planet.”

“I was,” admitted Will with a smile. “I was thinking of Nepenthe and our house there.”

“Deanna showed me some pictures the other day. It looks amazing. I’m sure you’ll be very happy there. My parents have loved living there. They say the place gets into your head and has a way of making you forget all the hardships you have endured.”

“We could all use a little of that, I guess.”

Will drew in a breath and looked around at the mess hall. It was approaching 1700 hours. Alpha shift had not long finished and Beta shift had relieved them, resulting in a surge of off duty officers and crew joining Will and Alex in the mess hall. He recognised nearly every face in the room, knew a good handful of them as friends. It would feel strange without them in his life. “I shall miss you all,” he said, quietly. “I’ve always thought of you a little bit like family.”

“We’ve been through a lot together, haven’t we?” Alex agreed. He seemed to be studying Will’s face a moment and Will tilted his head in question. “What’s up? Say what’s on your mind, Alex.”

“You know, I was thinking the other day, when I first joined the Titan, you took me on a tour of the ship every Friday morning. Do you remember?”

Will grinned. “I do.”

“And you said that it was your custom, a ‘tradition’ I believe you called it. That you always toured the ship with your first officer every week so you could say a few words to the crew on a more personal level and see what jobs they were doing. Only I haven’t seen you touring the ship in a long time.”

“No, no, I guess you haven’t.”

“So my question is this, Captain… Did you really used to tour the ship every Friday morning, or was that just something you made up to make me feel more at home?”

The grin on Will’s face grew wider and he leaned back in his chair, chuckling gently. “I don’t know, Commander. What do _you_ think?”

Cordek pinned him with an eagle-eyed look, his green eyes sparkling. “I think you were trying to help _me_ get to know the ship and the crew, _not_ you… in a way that reading crew rosters and studying diagrams couldn’t do for me. And I was so naïve I didn’t see it for what it was.”

“It wasn’t all for your benefit, Alex,” said Will. “It was for mine too. I’d inherited this over-eager, stiff as a board first officer from Captain Largos and I wanted to get to know him a little too. Get him to relax in my presence instead of always jumping to attention the minute he saw me out of the corner of his eye. You were making me tense just by being so tense yourself!”

A laugh burst out from his first officer. “Well, it worked, sir. Did just the trick, in fact.” 

“It did, didn’t it?”

They laughed together a moment, then Cordek leaned forward. “It’s Friday tomorrow, sir. How about we do that tour again?”

“I think I could fit that into my schedule.” 

“And the following Friday?”

“We’ll just have to see about that one, Mr Cordek…” said Will, but there was warmth in his words and a joy in his heart that seeped through to the smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we approach the end of this little endeavour. One more chapter to go. Hopefully, you will all enjoy where I'm going to leave this tale. I promise not to upset everyone too much.


	7. Seven

Chapter 7 

Captain Will Riker had been very clear with his crew. He did not want a big send off. No parties, no surprise celebrations, no commandeering the mess hall with wine and song. It was, he’d explained, not appropriate for the situation. He was not leaving the ship because he was retiring for a life of peace and relaxation. He was doing his duty as a father and a husband and duty was not a cause for celebration. He’d invited his bridge crew for dinner and a last game of poker one evening and that was, in his opinion, a perfect way to end his captaincy of the Titan.

The bags were packed, the storage containers filled and standing in the cargo bay, ready to be beamed down to the planet. Deanna was rounding up the kids and giving them chance to say goodbye to their friends. There was nothing left to do except say his own goodbyes and get off the ship. But, despite this, Will found himself hesitating and thinking back to the night before he had disembarked from the Enterprise. He recalled the walk he and Deanna had gone on around the entire ship; every corridor, every public area had been visited, if only briefly. It had felt cathartic and by the end of it, he’d found himself, if not willing, then certainly braced to leave. They’d performed a similar tour just the other evening, but for some reason, he didn’t feel quite as ready for leaving as he had back then.

Which was why he made his way to the Bridge, dressed in civilian clothes and with his head full of memories. “Captain?” said Lieutenant Adeyemi, standing up and looking at him questioningly. “Is something the matter?”

“No, no, Esther, I’m fine. Just feeling sentimental, I guess. Do you mind if I?” He gestured to the centre seat she had just been sitting in.

“It’s your chair, sir.”

“Not for much longer.”

She stood aside and he sat down, remembering the first time he’d done so, when Titan was in the dock at Utopia Plenetia and he could still smell the leather. Since then, the chair had been replaced twice, once through damage and the second time because of an upgrade, and even the smell of the newest model had long since faded. But for just a moment, Will could swear he was breathing the scent of fresh leather. He looked up at the viewscreen where Nepenthe glowed blue and green and looked like a kind of paradise. Slowly, he ran his hands over the arms of chair, glancing over the sleek touch pads that gave him command access to every single terminal on the Bridge. “Goodbye, my friend,” he said in a soft voice. If Adeyemi heard him, she did not acknowledge his comment, perhaps because she instinctively knew that his words were not directed at her, but instead at the Titan.

With a sigh, Will stood and tugged at his uniform. “I should get going,” he said, louder now but without any kind of conviction.

The doors to the turbolift opened and Alex Cordek strode out. He was in uniform, four pips on his collar, and looked to have missed a shave or two. “Good morning, Captain,” he greeted.

“Alex,” said Will and raised his eyebrows, running his hand over his own beard as he regarded his former first officer’s face. “Growing that in my memory, are you?”

“Well, what was it you said once? That a beard was ‘nautical’ and suited to a commander of a great ship?” He matched Will’s amused grin. “It’s an experiment. I figured now was as good a time as any.”

“Hm, did I really say something so pompous?”

Cordek laughed.

“Saying one last goodbye to the big chair, sir?” he said.

“You could say that.” Will paused and sighed. “Truth is, I was overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia. From the time I graduated from the Academy, I wanted to be a captain. I had this lofty goal of making captain by the time I was thirty-five and nothing was going to stand in my way.” He smiled wryly. “In fact, I very nearly married Deanna when we were both in our early twenties. At least, I would have done if I hadn’t had my heart set on this damn chair. In the end, I was forty-three when I took command of the Titan and that ambition was long lost in the sands of time.”

“You could’ve been a captain many times before you took the Titan though,” said Cordek. “It was common knowledge that you were the most decorated and experienced first officer in the fleet.”

“And that I’d turned down three offers of command before I finally said yes,” Will added. Cordek inclined his head politely. “Do I regret my decisions? No, of course I don’t. They made me who I am today. Though I do wonder how things would have turned out if I’d made different ones.”

“That’s natural, isn’t it?”

A moment passed. Will suddenly found himself swallowing hard against a surge of emotions. He fixed Cordek with a steely expression. “Look after my ship, Captain Cordek,” he said, his voice carrying with it a slight quaver as he fought to keep his composure.

“I’ll do my very best.”

Glancing around at the Bridge where he’d spent so many hours of his life, Will bid a silent farewell to this place that had been his home, then nodded his acceptance to Cordek.

“I’ll walk you to the transporter room,” said the Titan’s new captain. 

The turbolift journey went by in silence, Will lost in his thoughts and Cordek staring directly ahead, his usual easy manner somewhat stilted. Presuming his friend was thinking about the challenges that lay ahead for him, Will allowed him to travel undisturbed, but when the doors opened, he realised the reason for Cordek’s simmering tension was not what he had thought.

Lining the corridor from the turbolift were dozens of members of the Titan’s crew. Blue, red and yellow shirts right the way to the transporter room. All faces turned towards Will and Cordek.

An honour guard.

Will sucked in a breath and looked down with an emotional smile. “Is this your doing?” he asked Cordek, who nodded his affirmation. “Thank you, my friend.”

“No, thank _you_ , Will.” Cordek looked down the line of officers. “Attention on deck,” he called in a carrying voice and instantly, everyone snapped up straight, heels together and faces forward. He turned to Will. “After you.”

Slowly, Will started down the corridor. His footsteps seemed loud, even on the carpeted floor, as if they were marking seconds and not his actual passage along. He rounded the turn into the transporter room and there stood the senior staff: Dan Parry, S’Eftia, Wes Crusher, Alistair Melling, Enzo Fiorelli, Deanna and then tucked in beside her, Thad and Kestra, looking small and slightly nervous amid the unusual circumstances. Will felt his stomach clench. “So, this is it,” he said, moving to stand beside Deanna. “The end of the road.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it that,” said Cordek. “It’s more like a fork in the road. Two paths to choose between.”

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,” quoted Alistair Melling with a smile.

“Robert Frost,” added Will. “I remember it from school.”

Cordek indicated everyone gathered in the transporter room with a wave of his hand. “I think I speak for everyone here, Captain, when I say it has been the highest of honours to serve with you and have you as our captain. When I think of what an asshole Captain Largos was,” he said, referring to his previous captain, “I for one consider myself very lucky to have had the privilege of having you as a commanding officer.”

Will grinned.

“And Commander,” Cordek continued, turning to Deanna. “I can’t count the number of times you’ve saved _my_ ass on away missions, set me right on all kinds of things, from love to command to my own self. I will miss your wisdom and your kindness, but most of all, your friendship, and I’m sure everyone else here will too.”

“Hear, hear,” said Melling softly.

Deanna’s eyes were filling with tears. “Oh, shush, all of you,” she said. “I’ll miss you all too, so very much.” She reached out and ruffled Thad’s hair. “But I’m sure our paths will cross again. If nothing else, the next time you’re in this system, you must all come to see us.”

“Sure we will,” said DP and moved to embrace Will with one of his trademark back slapping hugs. “I’d not miss an opportunity to whip some Riker butt at the poker table again for all the latinum in the galaxy!”

“Don’t be so confident, Mr Parry,” said Will, pulling back and putting on a good show of being affronted. “I’m going to have lots of time to practise, remember…”

“No offence, sir, but based on our last game, you’re going to need it.”

Everyone laughed. 

“Warmth and serenity to you both,” said S’Eftia, stepping into Will and rubbing her cheek alongside his, in the greeting common to her people. “It’s been an honour serving with you.”

Breaking away, Will surveyed the crew he’d commanded with a warm, wistful gaze. “The last few years have been tough for us, but you’ve all been there when we’ve needed you. Every one of you has gone above and beyond the call of duty on so many occasions, I can’t even begin to count them. I wish I could tell you all how much your loyalty and friendship has meant to me, and to Deanna. But words can’t really do it justice. So I’ll just stick with wishing you all the best of luck as you get to grips with a new captain. I hear he can be a bit of an asshole too… especially when you wake him up in the middle of the night.” He grinned at Cordek, while the others chuckled at the jest. “Safe journeys, my friends. It’s been an honour. Permission to disembark, Captain Cordek?”

“Granted, Captain Riker.”

Together, Will, Deanna and the children stepped onto the transporter platform and turned to face the gathered faces. “Energise, Mr. Fiorelli,” said Will, and the gentle tingling sensation of the transporter beam took him away. 

***

_One year later…_

“Oof… Oh, for the love of…!” Will yelled as he stumbled over a pile of books and other detritus abandoned in the middle of the living room. “What’s all this, kids? Are you trying to break my neck?!”

“They’re not here, Will,” came Deanna’s calm and unconcerned voice from the deck.

“Hm. You might ask if I’m okay…” he grumbled.

“You’ve survived worse than a pile of toys, Imzadi. I think you’ll live.”

Of course she was right, but as he turned and regarded the mess he’d tripped over, he didn’t feel particularly charitable towards her indifference. He took a minute to gather up the chaos and stack it at the bottom of the stairs for the kids to take up to their rooms later, then ambled out onto the porch.

Deanna was sitting on their wooden double lawn chair wearing a dusky pink dress and a straw sunhat, her dark hair loose around her shoulders. She looked up at him and smiled amiably. “Where are they?” he asked.

“Down by the creek, I think. Something about role playing one of Ardani’s great historical battles.”

“Sounds complicated. And time-consuming. Scoot up,” he told her and she obliged. He slid in beside her and then, feeling mischievous, tugged her body atop his and looked at her with a wide grin, running his hands down her back to give her behind a good squeeze. “So, how about it? Do we have time for a quick one?” 

“Will!” Deanna admonished, but he could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn’t really annoyed, and nor was she dismissing him out of hand. He took his chances and leaned down and kissed her.

“Mmm…”

“Well, you’re in a good mood today,” she observed, returning the kiss with just a little bit of encouraging tongue. He pulled back and bobbed his eyebrows at her suggestively.

“Just taking advantage of the free time.”

They kissed again and Will was just beginning to push his hands up her dress when a great crashing came from the edge of the garden, through the undergrowth that they had yet to fully clear. Deanna pulled back sharply and sat up. Kestra was running hell for leather across the lawn towards them. “Mom! Dad! I can’t find Thad! You’ve got to help me. He was there, right behind me, then he was gone!”

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down…” said Will, lifting Deanna off him and standing up. “Have you tried shouting him?” Kestra shook her head adamantly. Will narrowed his eyes as he considered what might have happened. “You don’t think he’s tried to lose you on purpose, do you?” Losing his sister intentionally was something Thad had taken to doing more recently, when he tired of Kestra’s company and wanted to be alone. Will cast a questioning look at Deanna, silently asking for her to use her empathic sense to determine if Kestra’s panic was justified or not.

“He’s fine, Will. I can sense him and he’s not in any pain or distress.”

“No, no! Dad, come on, you’ve got to help me… He might’ve fallen down the ravine or something!”

She grabbed his hand and tugged him in the direction she’d come from. “Okay, all right, I’m coming. But I don’t think he’s fallen down the ravine. He’s not that stupid.” Inclining his head towards Deanna, he asked, “You coming too?”

“I’ll stay here,” she said with a knowing smile. “In case he comes back home.”

Will resigned himself to being led wherever Kestra wanted to take him. She half-ran, half-walked back through the undergrowth and onto the path they’d carved that led into the forest. “Come on, Dad!” she complained as she slowed to glance back at him wading through the tangle of brambles and ferns.

“Hey, hang on a minute. If I put rips in these new pants, your Mom’s not going to be happy.”

He pushed out onto the path and checked himself over. The pants seemed to be intact. Already, though, Kestra was several dozen metres ahead. 

“What were you doing anyway?” he called as he picked up his pace to catch up with her.

“Just playing,” she said, trying to deflect his interest.

“At what?”

“War games.”

“War games?”

“Yeah, we were pretending to have a battle from the Great Bunnicorn War.”

Will chuckled. “Of course. Was that where the bunnicorns attacked other bunnicorns? Or something more sinister?”

Kestra threw him a disapproving look over her shoulder. “Stop trying to be funny, Dad.”

 _Six and a half and already sassing me_ , thought Will as he trudged after her.

Birdsong filled his ears and the trees deepened around him as he headed along the rough-hewn path. The further they got into the forest, the richer the air became. One of the most enchanting things about Nepenthe was the scents that filled the air. Near enough all the trees and flowers appeared to have some kind of smell, whether they were in bloom or not, and in places where a breeze couldn’t penetrate, the scent was often quite intoxicating. His feet crunched through the leaf litter as he moved and the ground appeared to shift and move as sunlight slipped through the canopy like insinuating fingers. So lost was he in observing his surroundings that when he looked up, he realised Kestra was out of sight.

“Kestra!” he called.

No answer came through the trees and Will stopped in his tracks, sighing heavily, his shoulders sinking. “Great,” he said. “What do I do now?” 

Behind him, a twig cracked and he spun around, expecting to see Kestra, but there was no-one. He listened closely; all he could hear was birdsong, but as he listened, the sense that he was not alone began to intensify. “Hello?”

Suddenly, an arrow whizzed past him and embedded itself into a tree just to his right with a thunk. He jumped at the sound and then before he’d had time to shout again, another arrow shot out from behind him and landed in the ground just in front of him. “Hey!” he yelled, grinning now, as he realised that he’d been tricked into walking right into their war game. “Come out, will you?”

From the undergrowth, laughter bubbled up. A third shot flew past his ear so close it made the hair on his head shift with its passage. “Thad!”

“Don’t move, Dad, or you’re dead!”

Will turned on the spot and a pair of cloaked figures came charging at him out of the brush, hollering like Klingon warriors. They descended on him and he erupted with laughter as they shoved him happily to the floor. Kestra, dressed in her rabbit-eared cape, straddled him and planted her hands on his chest while Thad scrambled to his feet with a massive grin painted across his face and aimed an arrow directly at Will’s heart.

“Surrender, King Niktlin!” he crowed. “You have been captured by the Bunnicorn Legion!”

Flat on his back, Will held up his hands in surrender. “I yield!”

Deanna’s voice came from the side of him. “Have you secured the hostage, Commander Troi-Riker?” she said in her best command tones.

“What’s going on?” Will struggled to sit up, but Kestra shoved him back down. “Are you all in this together?!”

“We are the Bunnicorn Legion,” said Deanna simply. She’d thrown off her hat, swept up her hair in a messy ponytail and swiped some of Kestra’s red-brown face paint on her cheeks. “And you are now our prisoner.” She jerked her head back in the direction of the house. “Get him on his feet, men.”

Grinning, Thad toed him with his boot. “Get up, Dad,” he hissed.

Will slid Kestra off him then climbed to his feet. “So now you have me, what are you going to do with me?” he challenged as he received a not-quite-as-gentle-as-she-thought shove in the back from Kestra.

“Walk,” she ordered, blue eyes fixing on his like lasers. “Whatever we want.”

“Which is?”

“Pizza.”

“Ohhhh… okay. You want me to make you a pizza. Well, all you had to do was ask, you know.”

Deanna came to walk alongside him. “More fun this way, though,” she whispered and reached for his hand.

“Mom! Get your hands off the prisoner!” yelled Thad.

And they were true to their word. They demanded pizza and lots of it, with Helen Cordek’s peach fizz and a massive tomato and baby spinach salad from the garden. When, finally, sated and replete and thoroughly exhausted from the day, they fell asleep on the couch, Will looked over at Deanna, her arms full of their children and smiled.

Noticing his expression, she asked, “What?”

“Oh, nothing. I was just thinking how beautiful you looked sitting there with them in your arms.” He opened up his mind to her as he felt her reach out to sample the fragrance of his emotions. “And how very lucky I am to be here with you all right now.”

“No regrets?” she said and he wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement. He answered as if she was seeking reassurance.

“Never.”

They stared at each other for a long, long moment, their thoughts intermingling in that warm and intimate way that was theirs alone. A soft, indulgent smile crossed Deanna’s face. “Shall we take them upstairs?”

Will nodded and got to his feet. Doing his best not to jostle them, he carried Kestra and then Thad up the stairs and set them in their beds, covering them up and kissing them goodnight. Deanna watched him from the doorways of their rooms, her eyes dark with emotion, and as he left Thad’s room and pulled the door half-closed, she reached for him. He slipped his arms around her and pulled her into him. “Thank you for my children, Will,” she sighed into his chest.

He said nothing; couldn’t say anything, for suddenly he felt overwhelmed with love and his own raw and profound gratitude. Whatever the future now held, he knew that, eventually, this peaceful place they inhabited together would be the saving of them. He let his face nestle into the softness of her hair and with a sigh of his own, he squeezed his eyes shut and breathed in a long breath. 

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Thank you to anyone who has stuck all the way through while I've got this out of my system. It's been cathartic. I hope we get to see Will and Deanna and Kestra again in further episodes.


End file.
